Cruddy - Lynda Barry [28]
“Screw up what?”
And the story came out that the guy who was so perfect for me was the brother of Dane, the guy she was wanting for her boyfriend. Dane said for her to bring someone for his brother.
“What’s his name?” I asked. Vicky didn’t know. It turns out she had never actually seen him. But she figured he would be amazing because Dane was so amazing. I got a sick feeling in my stomach at the thought of an amazing guy meeting me.
“I don’t know, Vicky.”
“You don’t know what?” She shoved my shoulder. “You don’t know now that I’ve gotten you high and I’m taking you to my house to get you some decent clothes so you don’t look like such a skag and I’m taking you to meet an amazing guy who lives on the View in an amazing house with a heated swimming pool, and no parents home for two weeks, you don’t know about THAT?”
She was shouting at me and it made a huge dog start barking behind a tall wooden fence and the dog started leaping and saliva wads were flying off its lips and then Vicky ran over to the fence and started kicking it with her yellow boots and the dog went insane and a window flew open on the second story of the ratty house behind the fence and a bald man stuck his head out and said, “Get the HELL away from my dog!”
“GO FUCK YOURSELF!” Vicky shouted so hard the veins on her neck were out.
“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?” The man’s face started contorting. Vicky shouted it again and he left the window.
I said, “We should go, Vicky.”
She screamed, “I’LL KILL YOUR FUCKING DOG IF I WANT TO!”
I will admit that it was me that tripped her. The father taught me how to do it. A simple flip with your foot, you catch them right under the heel when they are walking. The father said, “If you do it right, they don’t even feel it. They’re on their butts before they know what happened. All you have to do is look concerned and help them up and you have made a friend.”
I reached my hand to Vicky and she slapped it away. She took her purse and threw it into the sticker bushes. The gate flew open and the dog lunged. Vicky jumped and rolled and was on her feet running. You never run from a dog. Ever. What you do with a dog is step toward them and then keep your hands by your sides and stay very still. You can glance at their eyes but don’t hold a stare. They may jump up and tear your face off anyway but at least you will have a chance. If you run you are dead. Especially with a big dog like Brother. And if you run you won’t see that Brother is on a choke chain held by the bald man.
Brother was a beautiful dog. Even while he was making vicious leaps at me I noticed it. Have you ever seen a chocolate Doberman with his real tail and ears? Beautiful is the word and I guess I kept saying it because the bald man finally stopped shouting and Brother stopped barking. That was what I wanted to stare at. A dog like Brother with golden eyes and the dog smell that has always calmed me.
I said, “Sir? I’m really sorry about my friend acting like that. Her father just died, sir.” I don’t know why I said the thing about Vicky’s dad. It just followed the first sentence right out of my mouth.
The man turned very understanding. Brother let me pet and fuss over him. The man got a rake and held the sticker bushes away so I could get Vicky’s purse, and then told me to keep an eye on my friend. If she kept acting like that she could end up in the hospital.
On his arm I saw a faded USN tattoo.
I said, “You Navy?”
He smiled at me big.
But where was Vicky? Where was Vicky Talluso? I had her purse, I found her hat, her red velvet tam laying in the next alley but where was she? The light was fading fast and I realized I had nowhere to go.
The father said when you are lost you can follow the telephone wires. If you are stuck in the middle of nowhere having fits because you have no cigs and no booze and your car ran out of gas on you so you lit it on fire and it’s flaming