Crystal Lies - Melody Carlson [87]
It seemed everyone at the service was in tears by the time it ended. Well, everyone but my son. But I was trying not to look at him. Instead I tried to listen as the pastor reminded us that Matthew had given his heart to God as a teenager and that, although he’d gone through a brief rebellion following high school, he had returned to the fold during his second year in college.
“It’s just one of those unexplainable events that we will probably never fully understand,” he continued. “Not until we stand face to face before God. But we do know this: God doesn’t make mistakes. And even though Matthew and his friends may have made some mistakes that fateful night, the eve of Matthew’s twenty-first birthday, we can be assured that God the Father was watching. His hand was on Matthew’s shoulder. And even now, Matthew is safe in his heavenly Father’s arms and…” He continued to speak, but I had difficulty focusing on the words after that.
My mind felt like a captive bird trapped in a pitch-black box, as if I were fluttering about in the darkness trying to find an escape but banging into walls and falling down and beating myself into oblivion. My head felt light and dizzy as I stood in the doorway, swaying.
“Are you okay, Mom?” whispered Jacob.
“I’m not sure…”
Then he took me by the hand and led me out to the foyer where he found an empty bench by the rest rooms and helped me sit down. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Just feeling faint,” I said. I leaned over and took a deep breath to steady myself.
“You want me to get someone?” he asked as he sat down beside me.
“No, no…I’m fine,” I muttered. “You go back in there, Jake.” But he stayed by my side, and we listened to the remainder of the service from the bench by the rest rooms.
Finally the speaking stopped, and a woman sang. I was feeling better now, a bit guilty for removing Jacob from the actual service. I turned to encourage him to go back in there but noticed he now had tears running down his cheeks. The first I’d seen today. I reached over and put my arm around his shoulders, pulling him toward me. To my relief, he didn’t resist.
“I’ll go in, Mom,” he whispered.
“I’ll wait out here. You go on back into the sanctuary,” I said. “No, I mean I’ll go into rehab. I’ll go.”
My heart leaped with hope, and although I knew it was wrong to feel so elated at the funeral for my best friend’s son, I just couldn’t help myself. I hugged Jacob and promised him he wouldn’t be sorry.
The rest of the funeral passed in a blur for me. As expected, Geoffrey and Sarah were somewhat cool and reserved when we went over to say hello to them after the service ended. And I could feel them both looking at Jacob in that way—as if they were simultaneously thinking what an embarrassing loser he was. Perhaps they felt the same about me, too. Who could be sure? Even so, I wanted to tell them that things were going to change soon, that Jacob had just agreed to go into rehab and would be getting much better. But I kept quiet since I wasn’t sure how Jacob would feel. It should be up to him to make this kind of announcement to his family. Most important, he had made the decision for himself. And on the pretense of using the rest room, I went outside and called Hope’s Wings on my cell phone, making an appointment for Jacob to be evaluated the next morning.
“We’re so glad for you, Mrs. Harmon,” said the receptionist named Susan. “Jacob has been on our prayer list ever since you first came in here.”
“Thank you,” I told her. “I really appreciate it.”
“See you two at ten tomorrow,” she said.
“Yes.” I hung up and wondered if Jacob would be able to make it that long. But I knew that was the earliest they could see him. Still, I remembered what had happened the last time, when I had gone