Daughter of Smoke and Bone - Laini Taylor [56]
It would be nothing to break the window glass, or melt it. In seconds he could be beside Karou, waking her with a hand clamped over her mouth. He could demand to know… what, exactly? Did he think she would be able to tell him why he’d come? Besides, the idea of scaring her made him ill. Turning his back, he stalked to the balustrade and looked out over the city.
Hazael and Liraz would have realized by now that he was gone. “Again,” they would be muttering to each other in low voices, even as they covered his absence with some quick story.
Hazael was his half brother, Liraz their half sister. They were children of the harem, offspring of the seraph emperor, whose hobby was breeding bastards to fight the war. Their “father”—and they spoke the word through clenched teeth—visited a different concubine each night, women given as tribute or handpicked as they caught his eye. His secretaries kept a list of his progeny in two columns, girls and boys. Babies were always being added, and as they grew up and died on the battlefield, they were stricken unceremoniously off.
Akiva, Hazael, and Liraz had been added to the list in the same month. They had grown up together, babies in that place of women, and been given over at five to training. They’d managed to stay together since, always fighting in the same regiments, volunteering for the same missions, including the last: marking Brimstone’s doorways with the incendiary handprints that had ignited all in an instant to destroy the sorcerer’s portal.
This was the second time Akiva had vanished without explanation. The first time was years ago, and he’d been gone so long that time that his brother and sister thought he’d died.
A part of him had.
He had never told them or anyone where he’d been for those missing months, or what had happened to make him into who he was now.
Izîl had called him a monster, and wasn’t he? He imagined what Madrigal would think if she could see him today, and see what he had made of the “new way of living” they had whispered about, long ago, in the quiet world of their own cupped wings.
For the first time since he’d lost her, his memory failed to conjure Madrigal’s face. Another face intruded: Karou’s. Her eyes were black and terrified, reflecting the blaze of his wings as he loomed above her.
He was a monster. The things he’d done, nothing could shrive.
He shook open his wings and lifted himself into the night. It was wrong, his being there at the window, a lurking threat while Karou slept so peacefully. He retreated again across the street to let himself sleep, too, and when he did at last, he dreamed he was on the other side of the glass. Karou—not Madrigal but Karou—smiled at him and pressed her lips against his knuckles one by one, each kiss erasing black lines until his hands were clean.
Innocent.
“There are other ways to live,” she whispered, and he woke with bile in his throat, because he knew it wasn’t true. There was no hope, only the executioner’s ax, and vengeance. And there was no peace. Never peace. He ground the heels of his hands into his eyes as frustration built in him like a scream.
Why had he come here? And why couldn’t he make himself leave?
26
A SOFT WRONGNESS
Saturday morning, Karou woke up in her own bed for the first time in weeks. She showered, brewed coffee, scavenged in the pantry for something edible, came up empty, and left her apartment with Zuzana’s presents in a shopping bag. She texted her friend en route—Peekaboo! Big day. I’m bringing breakfast—and bought some croissants at her corner bakery.
A text came back—If it’s not chocolate, it’s not breakfast—and she smiled and doubled back to the bakery for some chocolate kolaches.
It was then, turning around in the street, that she began to feel that something was off. It was a soft sensation of wrongness, but it was enough that her steps stammered to a halt and she looked around. She remembered what Bain had said about living like prey, always wondering who was tracking