Daughter of Xanadu - Dori Jones Yang [50]
When we arrived in the courtyard, Chilagun took me aside. “My orders say you are to be treated like the other soldiers,” he said gruffly.
“Yes, Sergeant.” My muscles ached so much it was hard to stand at attention.
“But we have had to make separate sleeping arrangements for you.”
I nodded. He marched me to a small room on one side of the courtyard and left me there. I was expected to sleep alone, something I had never done. Of course there would be no maidservant to help me. What was more, this was a drafty square building made of wooden planks, not a ger covered in felt and designed to withstand the wind. I took off my leather armor and propped it in a corner. Standing in that small room, I felt more exposed than I had in the company of the other soldiers. I sat on my pallet, exhausted, head in my hands.
At dinner, I sat with Suren and met several other recruits. A few avoided me, but some came to converse with us. Suren chatted easily and made friends quickly. No one knew what to say to me, but I didn’t mind. I sat quietly, listening to their chatter.
Once, one man used a crude word, then caught himself, looking in alarm at me. Suren laughed. “Don’t worry. She’s heard it all.” After that, they didn’t censor their words in my presence. I enjoyed the illusion of being an ordinary soldier.
Not long after dinner, though, I returned to my small room, alone. I had my own privy, but I suspected that some soldier might be tempted to look through the wooden slats. To my horror, I discovered that my monthly courses had arrived, several days early. My body had slapped me, reminding me that I was, after all, female. How could I wash my monthly cloths here? At court, a female servant took care of this annoying task.
I emptied my bag, looking for something I could use. At the bottom, I found several clean white cloths. Apparently, my mother had packed them.
Later, without removing my clothing, I snuffed out the candle and lay down. After feeling hot all day, my body felt stiff and cold, and a heavy weight tugged at my belly. In the darkness, I could hear every sound from the men’s barracks across the courtyard. From this distance, their easy laughter seemed mocking. In my loneliness, I imagined that they were talking about me, a young woman by herself, sleeping across the courtyard. Would Suren stop them from saying rude things about me? They had joined the army to protect women and children, and having a female soldier in their midst confused that view.
That night I barely slept. After the sounds died down in the courtyard, the quiet seemed more ominous. I watched the faint light under the door flap, imagining shadows of feet outside. Once, I heard a loud cough that seemed to come from just outside my door. I sat upright, clutching my sleeping fur around me. My insides went cold as I sat frozen in place, listening to phantom footsteps.
What would I do if some man came into my sleeping quarters? Would I scream? Soldiers were supposed to be courageous, yet I feared my fellow soldiers. How could I show valor in battle when I was quaking in my own bed?
By daybreak I had made a decision. At the morning meal, I sought out Suren and told him I could not sleep alone. He searched my eyes as if trying to read my thoughts. “Shall I arrange a guard for you, to sleep by the door?”
My eyes said yes for me, even though the request betrayed weakness.
“I will arrange it.” His voice took on a tone of authority I had never heard before. He saved me the embarrassment of asking myself.
That night and every night afterward, a guard kept watch outside my door. My nighttime fears were eased.
I had never worked my muscles so hard, day in and day out, morning, afternoon, evening. We raced on foot and on horseback and practiced standing archery, mounted archery, and swordsmanship. We also learned how to wield hatchets in battle, against enemies made of straw.
The other soldiers, all sixteen to eighteen years old, were at the peak of their physical strength. In