Day of Confession - Allan Folsom [132]
Suddenly, and for the first time since she’d been in the hospital room in Pescara listening to the sound of Danny’s breathing over the intercom, she found herself becoming sexually aroused. The night was still thick with heat, and she had taken off her habit and lay naked under the sheets. And now, as the feeling increased, she began to feel a warmth move through her. Reaching up, she touched her breasts.
Again she saw Harry step out of the cave, felt his eyes on her. In that moment she knew her feelings of wanting to be a woman in the fullest sense, wholly and physically, were real; the difference was, she was no longer afraid of them. If God had been testing her, it was not so much that He was challenging her inner strength or her spoken vows of chastity and obedience, but instead, helping her search for herself. Who she really was and wanted to be. And maybe that was the why of all this. And why Harry had come into her life. To once and for all help her make that decision. His presence and manner alone touched her in a way she had never before experienced. It was tender and fresh and reassuring and somehow lifted the guilt and sense of isolation her feelings had always brought her. It was like opening a door and finding that on the other side, life was safe and joyous and that it was all right to be alive, with the same passions and emotions other people had. That it was all right to be Elena Voso.
HARRY HEARD THE SOFT KNOCK, then saw the door open in the darkness.
“Mr. Addison,” Elena whispered.
“What is it?” He sat up, quickly alert.
“Nothing is wrong, Mr. Addison…. Would it be all right if I came in?”
Harry hesitated, puzzled. “Yes, of course…”
He saw the door open a little more, and then the outline of her figure against the diminished light of the hallway outside, and the door closed behind her.
“I’m sorry to wake you.”
“It’s all right…”
There was just enough light for Harry to see her come toward the bed. She was wearing her habit but was barefoot, and seemed excited and nervous at the same time.
“Please sit down,” he said, and indicated the edge of the bed.
Elena looked at the bed and then quickly back to Harry.
“I would prefer to stand, Mr. Addison.”
“Harry,” he said.
“Harry…” Still nervous, Elena smiled.
“What is it?
“I—I have come to a decision that I wanted to share with you…”
Harry nodded, still unsure what was happening.
“I—told you shortly after we met that God had given me a job to do in caring for your brother.”
“Yes.”
“Well, when it is done, I—” Elena stopped and Harry saw her dig down and find conviction. “I plan to petition my superiors for dispensation of my vows and to leave the convent.”
For a long moment Harry said nothing. Finally he did. “Are you asking my opinion?”
“No, I’m stating a fact.”
“Elena—,” Harry said gently. “Maybe before you make a final decision you should realize that after what we’ve been through, none of us are thinking very clearly.”
“I’m aware of that. I’m also aware that what we’ve gone through has helped clarify thoughts and feelings I’ve had for some time. Before any of this happened…. Most simply, I want to be with a man—and to love him in every way, and to have him love me in that way, too.”
Harry studied her carefully, watched her breathe. Even in the dim light he could see the sparkle and determination in her eyes. “That’s a very personal thing…”
Elena said nothing. Harry smiled. “Maybe what I don’t understand is why you’re telling me.”
“Because I don’t know what might happen tomorrow, and I want to have told someone