Day of Honor - Michael Jan Friedman [52]
"Yes," said the captain. "I know. Lieutenant Nicoletti is still wondering what you were up to."
The Doctor sighed. "An unfortunate incident. I made every attempt to explain my motivation to the lieutenant later on."
"I'm sure you did," Janeway told him, trying not to crack a smile. "In any case, you say you've been sampling various holidays…"
"But none of them appear to suit me. The Day of Honor ritual seemed barbaric and, frankly, a little disgusting as well. The Phaelonian holiday seemed unnecessarily rigorous. Also, I tend to shy away from leisure activities in which my life is at stake."
"Understandably," the captain noted.
"There was also the Betazoid holiday, which. .
The Doctor glanced at her. "Which was inappropriate for other reasons."
"Didn't you attend a ceremony with It. Rabinowitz?"
"I did indeed," said the Doctor. "And, I must say, the lieutenant couldn't have been more helpful. However, I ultimately found that it.... did not relate to my personal experience."
"So you haven't had much luck," Janeway observed.
"That," said the Doctor, "would be putting it
mildly. Fortunately, I believe I see the problem now. In fact, it's something I probably should have seen a long time ago."
"And what's that?" Janeway asked him.
"One can't just embrace a holiday at random. A holiday is a cultural milestone-an event with which its celebrants have an intimate and long-standing relationship. And since I have no culture of my own, no heritage, it's impossible for me to ever feel part of such an event."
"I don't believe that," the captain responded. "Difficult, yes-but not impossible." She leaned forward. "Your problem, Doctor, is that you've been looking at the other man's grass."
He looked at her askance. "I beg your pardon?"
Janeway smiled. "The other man's grass. You know -the stuff that's always greener? In the old saw?"
"Ah," he said. "You mean I've valued other belief systems above my own."
"That's what I mean, all right."
"But," the Doctor complained, "I have no belief system. I only deal in those things that can be proven empirically."
"Not true," the captain insisted. "You believe in the value of friendship and family. You believe in courage and self-sacrifice-"
"The benefits of which are self-evident," he argued. "They can all be reduced to causes and effects. I mean a belief in something that can't be demonstrated or dissected-something that has no obvious benefits in the material world."
He was talking about a leap of faith. She said so.
The Doctor nodded. "A leap of faith."
Janeway regarded him. This wasn't going to be easy. On the other hand, she desperately didn't want to let the Doctor down.
After all, he had helped or comforted almost everyone who served on Voyager over the course of the last few years. The least she could do was provide him with some help and comfort.
And then it hit her.
"You know," the captain said, "you're right."
"About what? My having no belief system?" the Doctor asked.
"About a holiday being an event with which its celebrants have an intimate relationship-and a longstanding one. But you're wrong when you say you have no culture and no heritage. And you're even more wrong when you say you have no belief system."
He looked at her skeptically. "How so?"
"What do you do?" Janeway asked him.
The Doctor shrugged. "I'm a physician."
"A healer," she suggested.
"Yes ..."
"And why do you do that? Because you have to?
Because you're programmed to do so?"
The Doctor pondered the question. "I am programmed with certain knowledge-certain skills. But I act of my own volition. It would be inaccurate to say I heal people simply because my program calls for it."
"So you could choose not to heal them?"
He shrugged. "I suppose so, yes. But the context would have to be a rather bizarre one."
"Because life is sacred to you," Janeway suggested.
"One could say that, yes."
"And why is that?" she asked.
The Doctor grunted. "Surely you're joking."
"I'm not," the captain told him. "Why is life so sacred?"