Days of Air and Darkness - Katharine Kerr [156]
“I’m still the stronger,” he said. “That’s why she won’t face me. Ah, Alshandra! Must I declare myself helpless to Catch you? Must I? I think so. My country is her country, my love, and there we both reign. Not just me, but both of us.”
“But if you can’t stop her, who can?”
“Who, indeed? I do not like this sensation I feel. I wish to stop her; I cannot. Is it anger I feel? This hasn’t ever happened before, my love. It’s not like when Rinbaladelan fell.” He paused, thinking something through. “Then I was overwhelmed. This is seeing a thing, reaching out for it, and finding it beyond your reach.”
“It’s called frustration.”
“Ah. Well, I don’t like it, not one whit.”
He gave her a last kiss, then stepped back and disappeared. For a long time, Dallandra stood in the middle of her chamber, saw nothing, heard nothing but the sound of her heart, knocking against her ribs, it seemed, pounding out “ruin, ruin, ruin” over and over.
After she set the sigils over the astral dome, Jill returned to her chamber. Soon the gwerbret would insist on her presence at his council of war; she was debating whether she had time to look for Dallandra before it started when someone opened the door, and Dalla stepped in, standing with one hand on the open door, the other on the jamb as if she would have fallen without the support. Jill’s first thought was that her friend had been stricken ill or even stabbed.
“Dalla!” Jill got up, nearly knocking the chair over. “What is it?”
“Ill news, ill news, the worst news in the world. There’s naught Evandar can do about Alshandra. He’s tried and failed.”
Jill grabbed her by one arm and led her into the room.
“By the hells, Dalla, sit down! You look ready to faint.”
“Maybe so. Don’t you see what this means? She’s clever enough to keep away from Evandar, up on the inner planes, and so we can’t defeat her either here or there.”
Spent and pale, Dallandra sank into the offered chair, then merely stared at the floor, her hands clasped between her legs.
“Dalla, Dalla—I understand matters of war, better than I want to, truly. Don’t be so afraid! The relievers will win through on the morrow, Alshandra or no.”
“I know that. But the real war won’t be over. I mean Alshandra’s war. She’s not going to stop attacking Carra just because her army’s gone. She and that mazrak of hers will follow us. It won’t matter where we go, they’ll follow. And she’ll keep raising armies if she can, too, and more and more men will die. I can’t stand it. Oh, ye gods, what have I done? I never should have meddled with Evandar’s people, never!”
“Hush!” Jill got up and laid a firm hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your blame, but hers. What were you to do? Abandon an entire race to extinction? If Alshandra weren’t raving mad, everything would have been for the best. You’ve done naught but what’s honorable and right, and you’ve done it the best you could.”
Dallandra said nothing for a long time; then at last she looked up.
“My thanks, and truly, I know in my heart that I had to do it. But my war still won’t be over on the morrow. She’ll still hound us, forever if she has to. And she’ll raise more armies, too, and keep ravaging the countryside.”
Jill started to mouth some reassuring platitude or lie, then stopped. All at once, in her mind, the omens came together and wove their perfect knot. At that moment, she saw what must be done, and that she was the only person in Deverry who could do it.
“Jill!” Dallandra snapped. “What’s wrong? You look like death.”
“Do I? It’s just from realizing the truth in what you’re saying. She won’t give up, will she? As long as she’s strong enough to keep fighting, she’ll wreak endless harm.”
“Exactly. And I don’t know what to do to stop her.”
“But I do. We’ll have to plan it out just so.”
Since Labanna insisted that the princess sleep in the women’s hall rather than her own chamber, the only place in the dun where Carra could be private at night was in her bed. By drawing the hangings all round and pretending to sleep, she could sit up cross-legged with her back against