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the woman. Again, this makes evolutionary sense. Having successfully seduced the woman, he can now look for a new partner to seduce to increase his chances of genetic success. On the other hand, men who have not slept with a lot of women do not show the same decrease in sexual attraction. This also makes a certain amount of sense. Not having as much success with seduction, these men maximize their chances of genetic success by willingly investing their energy in one woman. Women do not exhibit the same split. Those who have had numerous sexual partners reacted in the same way to a first-time sexual encounter as those who have had only a few, revealing a woman’s consistent bias for a long-term relationship. So, women who use sex to try to lure men into a long-term relationship are likely to find themselves getting less than they hoped for and giving more than they anticipated.

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

Of course, that is only helpful once you know whom you are trying to attract. Can science take us a step closer to cracking the romantic code and identify not just how we should pursue someone but whom we should pursue? The answer is a very limited yes, and the surprising twist is that although much of this book has emphasized how different men and women are, the two sexes are surprisingly similar when it comes to what both are looking for in a long-term relationship. This is not as shocking as it may at first sound. Much of the conflict between men and women arises because of differences in short-term and long-term strategies. When it comes to your marital partner, though, the qualities that make a good husband are not all that different from the qualities that make a good wife.

What is it that we are looking for in a person beyond their physical appearance? We all want a person who loves us, is dependable, and has a pleasant disposition. Of course, what men and women look for is hardly set in stone. According to a 2001 article in the Journal of Marriage and Family comparing studies from the 1930s to the 1990s, there has been both change and constancy. Mutual love and attraction have become more important for both men and women, testifying to the increasing dominance of the romantic story line. Men care much less about domestic skills than they once did. And good financial prospects have become increasingly important. Overall, though, there has been a convergence in the qualities that men and women want in a partner.

So just what sort of partner should you be looking for? A dazzling array of tests and profiles have been developed to parse personalities and answer this question. As I discussed earlier, many of these tests have already been pressed into service in one form or another to try to help Internet dating services predict with some degree of accuracy which people might be suitable for one another. We are going to ignore all the complicated ins and outs of those theories for a simple reason that involves some good news and some bad news. First, the bad news. No formula has yet been able to crack the mystery of why two people end up together. That is exactly what most of us would predict, even though dating services like to make extravagant claims to the contrary. Now, for the good news. If you give up on coming up with some perfect formula for finding “the one,” understanding what sort of personality might be attractive to you is fairly simple and straightforward. I can give you a few helpful ideas that, if they won’t pinpoint the perfect match, will at least point you in the right direction.

As I said, we are all looking for the same things, which can be boiled down to three areas. An infinite number of variations of these three exist, and the importance any one person gives to each of them will vary. When it comes to a long-term partner, though, these three categories are the foundation. They are:

1. warmth/loyalty;

2. vitality/attractiveness;

3. status/resources.

That is a wide swath of possibilities, but there is one way we can narrow down those three. Studies have found a strong correlation