Decoding Love - Andrew Trees [84]
Try to avoid dating someone out of your league. Studies have shown that dating someone with a similar level of attractiveness leads to greater satisfaction and success in the relationship.
Try to marry someone who has had roughly the same number of prior sexual partners as yourself. Research has found that, on average, these couples feel greater commitment and satisfaction about their relationship and also experience greater love for each other.
Lay off the porn. Studies have shown that men and women who view X-rated materials are less satisfied with their partners and less supportive of marriage.
Obstacles can increase attraction—if they come from outside the relationship. Researchers have documented a “Romeo and Juliet effect,” finding that both married and unmarried couples exhibited a strong correlation between the love they have for another and the level of parental interference. More interference led to greater love.
Take a date to Knocked Up, not There Will Be Blood, and by extension, look for any ways to improve a date’s mood. Studies show that a good mood enhances attraction, while a bad mood can snuff it out.
Give the person a prolonged hug—provided, of course, that the hug won’t come across as creepy. After a twenty-second hug, the brain releases oxytocin, which increases feelings of trust.
If you have been chatting with someone for a while and want to gauge how things are going, try to see if the two of you have developed any synchrony. When you turned to face her, did she turn to face you? When he leaned forward, did you soon do the same thing? But don’t simply start mirroring the other person—he’ll think you are some weird Marcel Marceau impersonator.
When you are dating someone, treat him or her as if he or she already has the qualities you seek. Studies have shown that people try to live up to the good opinion that their partners have of them.
FOR HIM
In the end, none of this is rocket science. The qualities that attract women are rather predictably the qualities that any woman would want in a long-term partner. According to one study, women claimed that the best methods for attracting them were showing good manners and being helpful and caring. Not surprisingly, another study revealed that these were also the qualities about which men often tried to deceive women. Some men admit that they often volunteer to take a friend’s puppy for a walk because it sends such powerful signals about the man being a caring individual. You can take this to its logical extreme and ask what effect taking care of a baby might have on women, and researchers have done precisely this. Women were shown pictures of the same man standing alone, interacting positively with a baby, or ignoring a baby in distress. Unsurprisingly, women were most attracted to the man when he was playing with the baby. Alas, the same signal will not work for women—a similar study done with a woman showed no change in the men’s opinion of the woman’s attractiveness, no matter what she was doing with the baby. Of course, if casual sex is all that is on offer, displays of physical prowess by men greatly increase their chances of success.
Forget the big come-on. You don’t need the right line to meet a woman. According to one magazine poll, just saying hello works 71 percent of the time for men (it works 100 percent of the time for women, but we already know that women are the choosier sex).
Are you the type of person who starts jabbing your finger at someone when you get excited? Stop doing or making gestures that could be perceived as threatening. You should treat your physical approach with the care of a bird-watcher trying not to scare away his quarry. According to anthropologist David Givens, an open palm is a good, nonthreatening movement. As for touch, he recommends