Delta of Venus - Anais Nin [117]
So I said, ‘But I’ll do it. Let’s do all the things we ever wanted to do or have done to us. We have the whole night. There are so many objects here that we can use. You have costumes too. I’ll dress up for you.’
‘Oh, will you?’ said Marcel. ‘I’ll do anything you want, anything you ask me to do.’
‘First get me the costumes. You have peasant skirts there that I can wear. We will begin with your fantasies. We won’t stop until we have realized them all. Now, let me dress.’
I went to the other room, put on various skirts he had brought from Greece and Spain, one on top of another. Marcel was lying on the floor. I came into his room. He was flushed with pleasure when he saw me. I sat on the edge of his bed.
‘Now stand up,’ said Marcel.
I stood up. He lay on the floor and he looked up between my legs, under the skirts. He spread them a little with his hands. I stood still with my legs apart. Marcel’s looking up at me excited me, so that very slowly I began to dance as I had seen the Arab women do, right over Marcel’s face, slowly shaking my hips, so that he could see my sex moving between the skirts. I danced and moved and turned, and he kept looking and panting with pleasure. Then he could not contain himself, pulled me down right over his face, and began biting and kissing me. I stopped him after a while: ‘Don’t make me come, keep it.’
I left him and for his next fantasy I returned naked wearing his black felt boots. Then Marcel wanted me to be cruel. ‘Please be cruel,’ he begged.
All naked, in the high black boots, I began to order him to do humiliating things. I said, ‘Go out and bring me a handsome man. I want him to take me in front of you.’
‘That I won’t do,’ said Marcel.
‘I order you to. You said you would do anything I asked you.’
Marcel got up and went downstairs. He came back about half an hour later with a neighbor of his, a very handsome Russian. Marcel was pale; he could see that I liked the Russian. He had told him what we were doing. The Russian looked at me and smiled. 1 did not need to arouse him. When he walked toward me, he was already roused by the black boots and the nakedness. I not only gave myself to the Russian but I whispered to him, ‘Make it last, please make it last.’
Marcel was suffering. I was enjoying the Russian, who was big and powerful and who could hold out for a long time. As Marcel watched us, he took his penis out of his pants, and it was erect. When I felt the orgasm coming in unison with the Russian’s, Marcel wanted to put his penis in my mouth but I would not let him. I said, ‘You must keep it for later. I have other things to ask you. I won’t let you come!’ The Russian was taking his pleasure. After the orgasm he stayed inside and wanted more, but I moved away. He said, ‘I wish you would let me watch.’
Marcel objected. We let him go. He thanked me, very ironically and feverishly. He would have liked to stay with us.
Marcel fell at my feet. ‘That was cruel. You know that I love you. That was very cruel.’
‘But it made you passionate, didn’t it, it made you passionate.’
‘Yes, but it hurt me too, I would not have done that to you.’
‘I did not ask you to be cruel to me, did I? When people are cruel to me it makes me cold, but you wanted it, it excited you.’
‘What do you want now?’
‘I like to be made love to while looking out of the window,’ I said, ‘while people are looking at me. I want you to take me from behind, and I want nobody to be able to see what we are doing. I like the secrecy of it.’
I stood by the window. People could look into the room from other houses, and Marcel took me as I stood there. I did not show one sign of excitement, but I was enjoying him. He