Dirty Little Secrets - C. J. Omololu [35]
I didn’t cry or get upset like I usually did—I just felt a numbness that started in my chest and flowed outward with a strange kind of peace. Slowly and carefully, I picked up our plates and carried them both to the sink. At least now I knew what was possible, and I’d never ask her again. I’d start marking down days on the calendar until I could move out on my own and keep my house the way I wanted, and have people over whenever I wanted. It seemed like forever, but what else was I going to do?
“That went well,” Phil said, grabbing a dish towel from the drawer next to the sink as I ran water for the dishes. “Anyone walking by probably thought so too.”
“Thanks for your support,” I said. “She almost died out here, you know. If it hadn’t been for her inhaler . . .”
“She’ll be fine. Probably sleep until tomorrow, anyway,” he said. “I could have told you not to bother.” He grabbed a couple of plates that were in the drainer and started slowly rubbing them in circles with the towel. We didn’t speak for several long moments. I could feel hot tears beginning to form behind my eyelids as I ran the argument over in my head. She always said it was our fault—that Phil and I couldn’t pick up after ourselves, and that’s why this place was such a mess. If I ever left so much as one shoe in the hallway, she’d scream and yell like I was the one who stacked up piles of crap in the middle of the living room that were so high you couldn’t see around them.
“You know, it wasn’t always like this,” Phil finally said. He was talking quietly, and I almost didn’t hear him over the running water.
I sniffed. “What wasn’t like this?”
Phil looked around the kitchen. “This place. The whole house. Mom didn’t used to save stuff like she does now,” he said. “When Dad was here, everything was clean—almost too clean. Sara and I had to pick up everything, and if we left toys out, Mom would go crazy.”
“So Dad was a neat freak?” I was almost afraid to say anything in case he stopped talking.
“No. That’s the weird thing. Dad wasn’t a slob or anything. He was just regular. Mom was the neat freak.”
I let out a laugh so forceful it sounded like a bark. “Right,” I said. “Look around, Phil. Mom is the opposite of a neat freak. She’s more like some kind of garbage freak.”
Phil shook his head. “Seriously,” he said. “The whole house was spotless all the time. Mom vacuumed and dusted like every day. She used to say that everything in this house had its place, and it was our job to make sure it got back there.” He laughed. “She had this thing about vacuuming—all the lines had to be going in the same direction when you were done, and if you made footprints in the freshly vacuumed carpet, she made you do it again.”
I looked around at the piles of stuff that hadn’t been touched in years. “I don’t remember any of that,” I said.
He shrugged. “I guess you were too little.” He stopped and looked around too. “It didn’t start to get bad until after Dad left.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, we only have to deal with it until we move out. Then she can bury herself in it for all I care.”
I turned back to the dishes. “Easy for you to say,” I said. “You’ve only got another year.” The thought of being alone with Mom in this house made me nauseous. It seemed like Sara had always had her own apartment and was more like a distant, bossy relative than a real sister—but I wasn’t sure I could do it without Phil, even though most of the time he was no help at all. It was just having someone around who understood, even a little bit, what it was like. We weren’t one of those families that went around talking about their feelings all the time, but I was sure Phil knew what I was thinking.
“It’s not that long,” he said. “And besides, I’ll probably go someplace close by so I can come and visit all the time. And you can come and stay with me sometimes.” He bumped me with his hip. It was probably the closest thing to a hug I’d ever gotten from him. “It’s going to be