Dirty Little Secrets - C. J. Omololu [61]
I grabbed each stack of credit card bills and flung them across the room, as if getting rid of the evidence would make the problem go away. My jaw clenched as I reached for an armload of newspapers and threw them into the middle of the room, only to have them settle on the piles like a small dusting of snow on a glacier. A scream rose from the back of my throat as I lunged toward a stack of books and newspapers next to her chair and brought them crashing down with a vibration so strong the walls shook. I grabbed anything I could reach, enjoying the thud as whatever it was hit the wall and bounced back into the room. The sharp sound of the vase breaking against the brick fireplace was still ringing in my ears when I noticed a small trickle of blood from a tiny gash in the side of my hand. Staring at the smear of red that ran from the cut, I wiped it with my other hand until it started to sting. The pain had a weird calming effect and I doubled over, breathing heavily like I’d been sprinting.
I couldn’t spend another second in that house. I had to get out if I was going to keep hold of my sanity and salvage anything. Stacks of books and newspapers fell to the floor as I raced down the pathways, focusing only on reaching the front door so I could breathe again.
The cold air hit me as I yanked the open door, and I drank it in as I moved toward the darkness. My breath was making little puffs of fog but I didn’t feel cold. Here, I was free from the pathways and the stale decay of the house. Out here, there was no ceiling to trap the mess, only the stars that promised the vastness of space with nothing between me and them but cold, clean air.
I reached the corner and stood under the streetlight watching the traffic signals change from green to yellow to red and back again like they were part of a universal rhythm. I had no plan, only vague thoughts that passed through my head like vapor, only to disappear as quickly as they had formed.
Without realizing I was even moving, I found myself standing in front of Kaylie’s house. I stared at the front door and tried to decide if knocking was what I really wanted to do. The minivan was in the driveway, and I could see a light on in her window upstairs.
“Lucy!” she squealed when she answered the door. “Why didn’t you call? We totally would have come picked you up.”
“It’s okay,” I said, amazed that my lips were moving in a coherent manner. “I needed the walk.”
“Is your mom better?”
“About the same,” I whispered. I felt like I was watching everything happen from very far away. It was safer than being inside my body and feeling empty.
“Well, I’m glad you changed your mind,” she said. “I was just getting ready to go—Vanessa’s sister is picking me up on the way.” She turned her head and looked at me more closely. “You okay? You look like hell.”
I ran my hand over my hair and could feel it sticking up in more than a few places. “Oh, yeah,” I said. “I just didn’t have a chance to—”
“Not to worry. You’ve come to the right place.” I climbed the stairs to her room a few steps behind her. “I got this killer new straightener that will work magic on your hair. That and a few swipes of Plum Sable eye shadow should have you back on track.”
We passed the bathroom, and I realized that what I really wanted was to stand still somewhere and let stinging droplets of hot water wash this entire day down the drain. “Actually, Kaylie, could I, uh, take a shower maybe?”
“Okay,” she said, apparently not thinking it was a weird request. “But make it quick.”
My brain whirred on empty as I stood under the pounding water, feeling it