Dirty Little Secrets - C. J. Omololu [63]
Kaylie looked concerned. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?”
“I just . . . I . . .” I slid to the floor and put my hands over my face. It felt like a wave filled with everything wrong with my life was crashing over me—Mom lying under the sheet, mountains of garbage that I could never fix even if I had months instead of hours, piles of bills that threatened everything we had left, and images of our neighbors shaking their heads as they looked through our open doors at the truth we’d been so careful to hide all these years. I felt myself gasp as the tears started to roll down my cheeks, and I brought my knees up to my chest. I couldn’t believe I was actually sitting on Kaylie’s rug bawling like a baby, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Kaylie knelt next to me. I could feel her arm around my shoulder and smell her perfume, but I didn’t dare take my hands away from my face. What if I broke down and told her the truth? “Lucy,” she said softly. “Hey, Luce, what’s going on? Come on, whatever it is, we can fix it.” One hand patted my shoulder as she held me closer.
“There’s nothing you can do,” I whispered, my voice raggedy with crying. “There’s nothing anybody can do. It’s over.”
“Listen, listen,” she said, trying to pry my hands from my eyes. “I’m your best friend, right? Right?”
I nodded, but the thought brought a fresh batch of tears coursing down my face. For the next few hours she was, but then what?
“Then you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong,” she said. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me.”
“I can’t,” I said. I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to get a grip. The back of my hand was streaked with purple and black smudges where I’d wiped my eyes. “It’s just . . . I can’t.” She’d understand soon enough when the news broke. It’s not like she could help me, anyway, even if I told her everything. I should just let her think I’d had a fight with Mom or had a bad case of PMS. She’d never guess what was really wrong with my life. “I’m okay,” I said, wiping the makeup from under my eyes.
Kaylie knelt next to me and grabbed my hand. “You’re obviously not okay,” she insisted. “Is it your mom?” I shook my head. “Is it Josh?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know,” I said. “It’s just everything.” Bracing myself against the wall, I pulled myself up. “I’m sorry. That was so stupid. Really, I’m fine.” If Kaylie didn’t think I was a loser before, I was sure she did now.
“You’re sitting here looking like the world is ending, and you expect me to believe you’re fine? Lucy, you have to be honest with me. I’m your best friend—you at least owe me that.”
And for a sliver of a second I thought about it. Thought about telling her everything—about Mom, the house, the bills—but as much as I wished she’d stay concerned and caring, I was just as sure that she wouldn’t. Kaylie was the nicest friend I’d ever had, but she wasn’t a superhero.
“Do you want to stay home?” she asked. “Because I can just call Vanessa—”
I took a deep breath. “No. No, let’s go.” And I meant it. No matter what I was doing, nothing was going to happen at the house until morning. The next twelve hours were going to be the last normal ones in my life, and I didn’t want to waste them surrounded by garbage at my house or sitting in a heap on her floor. This would be the last chance I ever had to be just regular old Lucy, and I might as well go out and make the most of it. I sniffed, and wiped the last traces of moisture from my face. “I must be a wreck,” I said, laughing a little.
Kaylie grinned, but her eyes still looked serious. “You did sort of ruin my work,” she said. “Sit down and I’ll fix it for you, if you’re sure.”
I nodded quickly, and she got out some wipes and the makeup and started repairing the damage I’d caused.
Kaylie’s mom knocked at the same time she stuck her head in the doorway. “Oh, hi, Lucy,” she said, giving me a smile. “I didn’t hear you come in.” She turned to Kaylie. “Who’s driving tonight?”
“Vanessa’s sister. She’s home from college for vacation. I was thinking one o’clock—it’s break, after all.”
“Twelve