Dirty Little Secrets - C. J. Omololu [74]
“All of it,” he answered. “I have to work until noon—will you meet me after?”
I started to say yes, and then the reality of what would be happening by noon hit me. By then, Sara would have found out what had happened to Mom, and the police would have been there for hours. Probably they would still be trying to get her out of that mess—amid curious neighbors and television crews who would want to document the process for the late news. By noon tomorrow, I’d be Garbage Girl again, for sure, and I’d lose all of this . . . all of him.
Josh pulled back so he could see my face. “Is that a yes, or a no?” he asked. To his credit, he looked genuinely worried.
“I really want to,” I whispered. Even in the dim light, his face blurred as tears sprung into my eyes. I wanted it to be yes with all my heart. But I knew that by noon tomorrow it would be no. Josh reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and smiled at me, his dimples flashing and the warmth in his eyes making me feel safe and protected. I tried to make this one of those moments you can go back to forever—the feel of his skin under the palm of my hand, the throb of his heart beating at the base of his neck. I inhaled again to try to imprint his scent on my memory, but remembering these things was going to make them even harder to lose.
I tried to stay focused, but the image of the crowds in front of my house wouldn’t go away. I wondered if Josh would be there too—gaping through the open door at the piles of filth that would always be a part of me. Even a guy like him wouldn’t be able to get over my big secret. I didn’t know if I could stand to see the look of disgust in his eyes and know that I’d lost the safety of his arms forever.
A digital clock above the espresso machine said 4:23. If I could just be me, alone, without the weight of Mom and the house hanging around my neck and pulling me down, everything would be perfect. In the movies, this would be the scene where the screen would fade to black—the house would disappear, leaving me untouched and able to face my future with Josh. If only this were one of those movies.
I traced my finger along his jawline, losing everything but the sensation of his body as it pressed against mine in the dark. The ache in my heart was so heavy my breath came in short, quiet gasps. Josh planted his hands firmly on my hips, his lips reaching for mine again, and I began to melt into the moment, the final moments of the last normal night of my life. If only the house would disappear—vaporize into the night until there was nothing left but Teddy B. in my jacket and my memories locked safely away where nobody would ever see. I’d gladly give up every single thing in that house, every ticket stub and handmade quilt, to be a regular girl with a best friend who really cared, and this boy whose touch left me speechless.
I pulled back from Josh’s arms as the image hit me. I’d watched it a million times, but never thought of it as the answer until now. It was perfect. There was a way to save us all, but I had to work fast.
Josh’s fingers were interlaced with mine as I stepped backward. “I have to go,” I said. I let go and zipped my jacket up tighter.
He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm. “Are you sure? I have to be back here at seven, so I was thinking we could just hang out until then. I don’t care about losing a little sleep.”
Turning around, I kissed him hard on the mouth. He didn’t know it then, but it was a promise. Maybe someday I could tell him what really went on tonight. Someday after. Right now, I had to keep this version of Lucy real for him and for me. “I’m sure.”
I waited nervously while he put everything back and turned off the light. Now that I had it all figured out I didn’t want to waste any time. His car was freezing, and I huddled in the front seat blowing on my hands while he warmed it up.
“I live just around the corner,” I said, pointing up ahead.
He glanced at me while he drove. “I know where you live, Lucy Lu.”
“You do?”
“Yep,” he said, and grinned.
We kissed for another