Dirty Little Secrets - Kerry Cohen [75]
The Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous website has a forty-question self-assessment to determine whether you have the signs of sex and love addiction (www.slaafws.org/download/core-files/The_40_Questions_of_SLAA.pdf).
—From Kelly McDaniel, Ready to Heal: Women Facing Love, Sex, and Relationship Addiction (Carefree, AZ: Gentle Path Press, 2008), 31–32.
WORKSHEETS AND EXERCISES
The following provides cognitive-behavioral approaches to build awareness about and to treat loose-girl behavior.
Build Awareness
When a boy loves me, that means I am _______________.
When I don’t have a boy wanting me, I believe I am _______________.
When I am needy, I do _______________, and believe I am _______________.
Hold on to the first list set below, and after every encounter with a boy, rewrite a new list set based on what happened. Compare the lists to see what you want versus what you actually get.
When I engage sexually with a boy, I want most
1. for example, to believe I’m desirable
2.
3.
4.
5.
When I engage sexually with a boy, I actually get
1. for example, momentary physical attention
2.
3.
4.
5.
Tracking Triggers
Use the following chart to track events that trigger loose-girl behavior:
With your therapist, review what you might have done differently in each situation.
Tracking Self-Harming Thoughts
Use the following chart to track thoughts that trigger loose-girl behavior:
With your therapist, determine how your false beliefs set off loose-girl behavior and how you might better deal with those damaging thoughts.
RESOURCES
Sex and Relationship Websites for Teens
www.goaskalice.columbia.edu
Go Ask Alice! is the health-related Q&A Internet resource provided through Columbia University’s Health Services. It aims to provide “reliable, accurate, accessible, culturally competent information and a range of thoughtful perspectives so that they can make responsible decisions concerning their health and well-being.”
www.gURL.com
The site gURL.com is for teenage girls. It includes honest content about sexuality and sexual health, including advice from other teens and stores of information about various sex topics. The site has a membership option so girls can give their own advice and talk to one another on the “Shout Out” boards.
www.midwestteensexshow.com
The Midwest Teen Sex Show is a video show about teen sexuality. These guys are comedians, and they are hilarious, but they also provide accurate, thoughtful, and useful information to teenagers in an entertaining manner, all through episodes you can watch on the site.
www.plannedparenthood.org
Planned Parenthood is well known internationally as a frank, accessible provider of reproductive health care, women’s health information, and sex education. A section of the Planned Parenthood website is devoted to teen sexual health and information.
www.scarleteen.com
Scarleteen: Sex Ed for the Real World is a grassroots site working to provide sexuality education and support. Heather Corinna, the proprietor, regularly provides blogs about useful examinations of recent studies, news events, and more. There is also a message board and referral service, and the site provides teen outreach and staff training through the program CONNECT.
www.sexetc.org
Sex Etc.: Sex Education by Teens for Teens has a mission to “improve teen sexual health across the country.” The website is chock-full of useful information, from a glossary of sex terms to weekly live chats with experts and opportunities for teens to create their own profile and blog.
www.slaafws.org
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is similar to twelve-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous in that it is based in religion and service to God. The site lists meetings and numerous resources, including a “test” to determine whether you likely qualify as a sex and/or love addict. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous does not provide services for minors. Some cities have meetings for adolescents, but they are not common.
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