Discardia_ More Life, Less Stuff - Dinah Sanders [28]
Antidote: Take your credit card out of your wallet and store it at home—or at least tape the dang thing inside a piece of paper onto which you've written pithy questions like, “Why are you buying this?” or “Will you still be happy about this purchase in a month?”
Foolish trick: When out with friends, feel smart and witty, and speak increasingly loudly in an attempt to enlighten and impress anyone nearby with your exemplary charms (which doesn’t actually work).
Antidote: Lean forward conspiratorially when delivering your best lines. If you really want to be intriguing, try a little subtlety.
Foolish trick: When you are not at work, find yourself gnawing away at a coulda woulda shoulda set of thoughts about work.
Antidote: Cut it short. Quickly, without getting distracted into reading new mail, open your email and send yourself a very concise note expressing the actions you want to take to resolve or improve the situation. Extract the constructive part from that fuss in your brain, dismiss the rest, and send that email to your working life so you can get on with the off-duty part.
Foolish trick: Brood over your wrongs that happened heaven knows how many years ago, and sit there nurturing that tension like a hen on an egg.
Antidote: Take one small immediate step to improve things—and I mean little and right now—then give yourself the rest of the day off from it. How about that letter, which is half practical questions about an upcoming family event and half guilt slinging? Just answer the practical part courteously, refrain from any reciprocal slinging, and let go of the rest of that noise. What about the person you think must be mad at you for some dumb thing you did months ago and who you've been afraid to contact? Find something small you can thank them for and send a postcard, saying something like, “Found myself listening to some Chet Baker and thought of you. Thanks for introducing me to the good stuff!” Open a door you've been holding closed. If someone comes through to reconnect, great; if not, at least you aren't spending energy on worrying about it.
Foolish trick: Think, “I'm creatively stagnant” as a commercial comes on in the random TV show you started watching.
Antidote: Turn off the idiot box; it saps your time and your will. Think about what you want and don’t want in order to improve your odds of getting it. Wouldn't an hour of progress make you happier than an hour of random TV? If you don’t want your life designed around certain actions, don’t design your rooms around them. Take a look and see if you've done that with TV. If you want to do more of something, grease the slope toward doing it and make it less convenient to fall into habits of distraction. Cancel that cable subscription and only pay for things you specifically desire online or on DVD. Unless “watch more movies” is your goal, reduce your Netflix membership so those red envelopes don’t nag you. If you haven't found yourself revitalized and your life improved by something you’ve watched on the TV within the last ten days, find a better place for it than having it dominate your living room. At the very least, get a cabinet for it today so you can hide this tool until you need it.
Open your eyes to the blockades you put between you in this moment and where and who you really want to be. When you see them, knock them down. Build bridges to your creative, happy self. Our time in this world is brief, so spend it where it matters to you and not where it doesn't. Whatever your habit is, find ways to make it harder to sabotage yourself.
Substitution tricks
Substitution tricks also take the form of fishing for praise and attention when what you really need is self-confidence. Mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal said long ago, “Vanity is so secure in the heart of man that everyone wants to be admired: even I who write this, and you who read this.”
We all seek affirmation of our worth, but we need to keep an eye on how we go about it and avoid being conniving. I don't think anyone can be completely self-sufficient