Discardia_ More Life, Less Stuff - Dinah Sanders [81]
Rescue the stressed. Useful phrases include, “I need a little walk before the pie. Care to come along?,” “Mom, I’ll do that for you, but sit down for just a moment and tell me again about the trip where you got this vase. That was right after you two got married, right?,” “Okay, that's got about an hour more to cook and everything else is all ready, so you all can relax or read or whatever and I'll let you know when we get close to dinner time,” and “Who else is ready for a nap break?”
The harmonic intersection
When one particular thing is causing tension in your household, have each of the affected people write down a list of as many acceptable solutions as they can. With any luck you’ll find the harmonic intersection that will resolve your domestic discord. For example, when you're trying to keep the house tidy and there's something that one of you thinks is often in the wrong place, each make a list of reasonable locations. You may already have someplace in mind that turns out to be fine with you both. Venn diagram optional.
Illustration by Reverend Dan Catt. (Used by permission. CC by-sa.)
Even when it’s a serious disagreement, there are opportunities for peaceful resolution without unnecessary drama. Though parting with someone after eight years together is a painful thing, I have a happy memory of the game an ex and I made of dividing our music CDs. We took turns drawing from the pile, groaning and making notes on our shopping lists and laughing. Even the hard times don't have to be a battle. Letting go of the sadness and anger to find an amicable path is always the right choice.
You are allowed to close the door
What about when you’re fighting with yourself? Much of the time, my advice is to “just do it”—push on through your resistance and get that to-do off your list—but, occasionally, that isn't the right answer.
At my old apartment, I had a guest room, which was at one point a halfway house for yard-sale items, unfinished projects, and other miscellanea in a semiconfused state of existence in my daily life. I wanted to clear out the unimportant or no-longer-me stuff and turn it into a space that I would really use. It weighed on me that I was paying rent for that room and didn't make proper use of it.
One day, I had to concede that now was not the time. I had a massively busy schedule at work for the next month. I would be in a state of intense activity every day and had three conferences for which to prepare materials. For the next month, I closed the door. Why was I paying that rent? For the ability to put my personal chaos in another room and not have it detract from the peaceful, soothing nature of the rest of my home.
When you need some clarity and extra calm, find those resources you already have to help accommodate and relieve the stress-causing things in your life. Split the to-do list into must-happen-now and can-wait-until-things-settle-down, and absolutely do not worry about that second list. What was the first thing on my important list? “Stay well and happy and unstressed.” What was second? “Support my family and friends as best as I can.” What was third? “Perform well at work.” What was not on the list? “Clean out the armoire in the guest room.”
Make sure that getting organized and uncluttered doesn't leave you overwhelmed all the time. Sometimes the best tactic is to shove that crap in the closet and deal with it later. (Just don't put the bills in there or postpone “later” for too long!)
Work