Distant Shores - Marco Palmieri [69]
In the dimness, he felt Kes’s hands on his arm and her touch made the hot rush of emotion subside. “Neelix, don’t worry. You’ll find another way out.”
“There isn’t another way out,” The words tumbled out of him. He’d been denying it to himself but now it was staring him in the face. “I surveyed the other parts of the moat before the tremor. There are three tunnels in each cavern, and the other two are blocked, just like this one.” He let her guide him back out into the city-cave, every footfall heavy and leaden.
Kes gave his wrist a squeeze. “You have the strongest survival instincts of any person I’ve ever met, Neelix. I know you’ll get Seven to safety. There’s no doubt in my mind.”
His frustration ebbed under the calm surety of her voice, but still the Talaxian felt tired and melancholy. “Kes, I…” He ran his fingers over her face, touching the delicate curves of her ear. She was so very beautiful. It made him sad to think that Kes was entombed here along with him, but there was also some secret, selfish part of Neelix that wanted her company more than anything in the world.
She caught his hand and took it in hers. “What’s wrong? Talk to me. You know you can tell me anything.”
The words would not come. They lay inside his chest like rough-hewn lumps of metal, refusing to rise and be spoken aloud. He worked so hard to maintain his good humor and personable aspect aboard Voyager. Neelix had taken it upon himself to become the ship’s good soul, to be the person that kept the spirits of those star-lost people buoyant. To the best of his abilities, he made sure he kept a warm smile for everyone on the vessel-but some days it was so hard. The captain, Commander Chakotay, Harry and Tom and B’Elanna, little Naomi, even Mr. Vulcan and the Doctor… they were all such decent people, their hearts so close to the surface. In a way, he felt responsible for them. They’d been dumped in his backyard, and like any good neighbor, Neelix wanted to help them find their way home again.
But some days it was so hard. So hard to be the happy guy when inside he was crowding out with regrets and unsaid things. He took a shuddering breath and looked into Kes’s pale, elfin eyes. How could he tell her the truth he felt at that moment? Neelix knew that the chances of rescue from the caves were now practically zero. This far down, Voyager’s transporters would not be able to penetrate the rock to recover them even if the ship’s sensor grid could actually peer through the layers of interference; if they tried something radical like phasering their way in, the energy-conductive veins of yurium would dissipate the beams and likely cause another, fatal collapse. A cold ball of ice formed in Neelix’s stomach as he accepted the reality of the situation in its full, awful truth. They would not be found in time. They would die down here.
“The captain’s going to do all she can to mount a rescue,” said Kes, reading his thoughts in the expression on his face. She didn’t need to delve into his mind to do it, she knew the tautness around his eyes and the thinning of his lips.
Neelix studied her and again he felt the distance between them; it hurt more than the grim fate he was afraid of. This could be your last chance, he told himself, the last opportunity you will ever have to open your heart to her. “Kes, I wanted to say something to you, but I don’t… I’m not sure of how to…”
She became quite still, watching him carefully, letting him find his way.
“We were so close once…. It wasn’t easy for me,” He looked down. “I’m just worried that I wouldn’t be able to tell you how I feel, before we…”
Kes silenced him with a touch of her hand. “Neelix, don’t think that way. I know that Voyager is coming.” There was such certainty behind her words that he blinked and stuttered to a halt. She smiled again. “Come on, I have something I want to show you.” Kes beckoned him after her and he followed her up from the dry moat and into the ruined township. He walked on through the arches and plazas of the Ocampa community, the