Doctor Who_ Blue Box - Kate Orman [92]
Peri flopped down on the sofa. ‘He still needs somebody to look after him. He doesn’t have anybody. No family.
Sometimes we visit friends of his, but we never stay long. But I like him. And he likes me, and... I don’t know. I just ought to be there.’
‘I don’t get it,’ said Bob. ‘You two fight all the time. Why do you even want to stay together?’
Peri’s voice grew small. ‘There was a time when he got realty, really sick, and I had no idea what to do. I should have made him get help, but I just panicked. I guess in a way I’m still making that up to him.’
Bob said, ‘Look at it this way. Look at it this way. If something does happen, you’re safe here. You can stay. We’ll call your folks.’
Peri gave him the look of death. Bob wilted, not sure what he’d said wrong. But he was right: she had not found herself stranded on a mountainside in a blizzard, or moneyless in a many-tongued city. If the Doctor didn’t come back, the decision about whether or not to leave him had been taken away from her.
I sat in my bedroom next to two full suitcases, smoking and waiting. Waiting and smoking. There was half a sock hanging out of one of the cases. I flipped open the lid, stuffed it back inside, and slammed it shut again.
There was a bunch of stuff in the apartment. I’d give Trina a call, ask her to ship a few things to me wherever I ended up.
She could have the rest, or give it to charity, or just let the landlord throw it all out, I didn’t care. I had everything I needed in those two suitcases.
Hmm Maybe Trinst wasn’t a good idea. I’d call Sally instead.
Peri, pacing the apartment, came in to see what I was doing. I snuck a peek at myself in the full-length mirror behind the door and combed my fingers through my hair. Now I looked dashing instead of just rumpled. Not that it mattered any more. ‘I’m sorry you lost your job,’ she said.
‘Oh, I haven’t lost it, exactly’ I said. ‘If I talk to my editor, I can work this out. He’s not real broadminded, but we get on well and he likes my work.’
‘Well, that’s good.’
‘Except that he’ll tell everyone in the whole office.’ I stabbed the cigarette out viciously in the ashtray. ‘He doesn’t like secrets. He doesn’t think it’s fair to keep secrets. When he found out some guy in the mail room was a faggot, he made sure everyone from the janitor to the publisher knew about it.’
‘That’s really mean’ Peri said.
‘I guess it saves him the trouble of having to fire people.’ I said. ‘I can’t stand the thought of a lot of self-appointed experts trying to tell me I’m just a frustrated lesbian. Don’t you worry about me, young miss. I’m going to write a book about all of this. It’s about time I got my Pulitzer.’
‘We were really worried about you,’ Peri said. ‘After you called from the diner. The Doctor said he wasn’t sure if you’d be coming back.’
‘That’s sweet,’ I said. (What she was actually saying was she still thought I was OK. ) ‘It was bloody creepy. Even as I was walking out of there, I was wondering if Swan had somehow given me a command to walk out. You know, I gave the waitress back the hundred bucks on my way out the door.’
Peri gave me a pleased smile. ‘Yeah, but was it really my idea? Or did Swan make Luis make me?’ I took a long drag on a fresh cigarette and offered it to her, but she shook her head.
‘Even now I feel hollow. There’s no way to know if I’m me, or just acting like a robot.’
Peri said, ‘Robots wouldn’t – but if you had been affected, we’d know. You’d have that faraway look. All that confusion.’
‘How do I even know we’re having this conversation?’ I blew out a cloud. ‘I’ll go nuts just wondering about it. I’m sure you’re right.’
‘Chick,’ said Peri. ‘Can I talk to you about, you know?’
I half wanted her to get out of there and half wanted to keep looking cool about the whole thing. ‘Sure,’ I said, fumbling for another smoke.
Peri gathered up her courage and said, ‘When did you, uh, decide?’
‘Found out for sure when I was fifteen,’ I said. ‘But I always knew My mom and dad had been raising me wrong all those years.’
‘But you, uh, you’ve got a girl’s body, haven’t you?