Doctor Who_ Earthworld - Jacqueline Rayner [87]
‘If it helps the Doctor get his memory back, then yes, yes I do.’
‘Fitz!’ The Doctor was smiling at him now. ‘I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I’ve looked at this machine and I don’t think there’s a risk. It’s an extremely sophisticated instrument. And the girls will be doing their very best to make it work – won’t you, girls? – because they know that unless this succeeds they’re never going to Earth.’ And Fitz realised that, however hard the Doctor had been trying to hide his frustration at his loss of memory, it was there all right. The Doctor wanted this more than anything else in the universe, and Fitz wasn’t going to be able to stop him. Even if he told the Doctor there were things he’d be better off not remembering – and how would he do that anyway? – the Doctor would say it’s always better to know. He could hear him now. ‘Ignorance is never bliss, Fitz. It’s better to know.’
And while he was still considering what to do for the best, the Doctor and Anji were being hooked up to the machine by chief mad girl Asia.
Oh, Christ. He wasn’t any good at this sort of thing. Look after number one; he could do that. Not this, this, this altruism. This need for fast-thinking decisions; working out what was best for other people. He just couldn’t do it.
And, as with the man in the Roman arena earlier, while Fitz was worrying over the moral dilemma it was already too late and things had happened.
Chapter Ten
Being Other People
Wooooooooh! I feel sick!
DON’T WORRY, ANJI. SOME DISORIENTATION’S ONLY TO BE EXPECTED.
I wasn’t expecting it to be like this. It’s like – oh, the bit where you get off a roller coaster and you don’t know which way’s up and which way’s down.
Where am I?
WE’RE IN THE MACHINE. AN OPEN CHANNEL. A MEETING OF MINDS.
So it’s all right? It’s working?
I THINK IT IS. YOU WON’T FEEL ANYTHING. AS LONG AS OUR MINDS
ARE RELAXED, THEY CAN COME AND GO AS THEY PLEASE, WHILE WE’RE
IN HERE. COME ON, LET’S EXPLORE!
Aargh! I touched something. I felt. . . something. For a moment there, I was. . . Fitz! Oh, ugh!
THIS THING’S BOUND TO BE CHOCK-FULL OF MEMORY PRINTS. ONES
THEY’VE TAKEN IN THE PAST. FITZ’S IS BOUND TO BE NEAR THE TOP, AS
THE MOST RECENT. I DON’T THINK IT WOULD BE VERY POLITE TO EXAMINE HIS MIND, THOUGH.
Don’t worry, I had no intention of doing so! It’s a very uncomfortable place to be, I’m sure. Oh, I touched something el– Doctor?
YES?
Your body is so beautiful. I am going to run my hands over your smooth pale skin, softly, so softly, so you shiver at my every touch. Your body will be mine and I will hurt it, beautifully, you will feel every caress of pain. I will hurt you and hurt you, and when you think there is no pain left I will hurt you again.
I will take you far away, to pain you could never dream of. And then you will bleed for me, a trickle, a torrent, a stream, until the last drop of your life falls to the floor and I can taste it. And I will, finally, feel whole and fulfilled, through you. I will – aaaaargh!
IT’S ALL RIGHT, IT’S ALL RIGHT. SHHH. YOU’RE OUT OF THERE NOW.
ANJI, HUSH, DON’T WORRY, YOU’RE SAFE.
158
Being Other People
159
But. . . but it was awful. Feeling like that. How could you live if you felt like that? She felt so. . . hollow. So incomplete.
WHO WAS IT?
One of the triplets. Africa, I think. But – she didn’t think of herself as one of the triplets. She thought of herself – oh, I don’t know how to describe it – as part of the triplets. As if they were a single entity, not three separate girls. She was only part of a person, the part with the basest desires. Oh. . .
HUSH. IT MAY BE A GOOD THING TO COME INTO CONTACT WITH SUCH
A MIND. IT REASSURES YOU THAT YOU’RE NOTHING LIKE THAT!
Hmm. . . I’ll try to think of it like that! But –
DON’T THINK ABOUT IT. COME ON. LET’S GO DEEPER IN.
Asia looked up at her sisters. ‘It’s working,’ she said. ‘I’m copying the memories across now.’
OH!
What is it?
I KNOCKED AGAINST SOMETHING. IT’S SOLID, WON’T LET ME IN.
Someone’s memory?
I THINK