Doctor Who_ The Also People - Ben Aaronovitch [7]
Speaking of children, Roz, you're over forty, even with biological enhancement you're pushing the fertility envelope. Childbearing is supposed to be a genetic imperative; don't you ever even think about it?
'Speaking of children,' said Bernice, 'where's the Doctor?'
'In the kitchen fixing supper.'
'Thank God for that, I'm starving,' said Bernice. 'There's a kitchen then?'
'There's a room with flat surfaces that get very hot and some cupboard-like things that the Doctor takes food and ingredients from,' said Roz. 'It's a bit too generic for my liking. I mean, when I looked in those cupboards earlier, they were empty.'
'Anyone for tea?' asked the Doctor. Roz almost choked on a mouthful of coffee. Bernice could sympathize; she hadn't heard him coming either.
The Doctor stepped through the picture window frame and onto the balcony. In each hand he was carrying a silver service tray, a third tray balanced precariously on his head. A folded square of white linen was draped over his left forearm. He paused before the table as if waiting for applause. The two women declined the opportunity.
The Doctor scowled at them and started to unload the trays. 'It's not that easy to do,' he complained.
'Don't tell me,' said Bernice. 'You once worked in a Venusian burger bar.'
The Doctor pulled up a chair and sat down. 'Venusians didn't eat hamburgers,' he said, 'at least not while I was there.'
'What did they eat?' asked Roz.
'Each other mostly,' said Bernice.
Roz muttered something under her breath.
'Only at funerals,' said the Doctor and pushed a plate of steaming brown ovoids towards her.
'Pasty?'
Roz cautiously picked up one of the brown ovoids. The Doctor waited until she'd taken a bite before saying, 'Each other's brains to be precise.' Roz gave him a black look and continued chewing. Rather stoically, Bernice thought.
'Tasted a bit like chocolate cake,' said the Doctor, watching as Roz swallowed very deliberately.
'They had excellent biochemical reasons for doing it.'
'I don't want to know,' Roz said very slowly. 'I don't want to hear about their magnificent culture and how they loved their children and were terribly kind to small animals.'
'Of course you don't,' said the Doctor cheerily. He looked over the table and frowned. 'Where did I put the tea-tray?'
'It's still on your head,' said Bernice.
'Ah,' said the Doctor and lifted the tray off his head and on to the table. 'So it was. I'd forget my own hat if it wasn't folded up in my pocket.'
The teapot was black porcelain decorated with an attractive gold leaf inlay. Steam fluttered from its spout. Bernice counted five matching cups and saucers.
'Are we expecting company?' she asked.
The Doctor stared at the cups as if seeing them for the first time. He picked one up and slowly traced a fingertip down its side. He muttered a word that Bernice thought might have been
'flawless'. Then suddenly he flung the teacup at the balcony floor. It bounced with a peculiar muted twang and the Doctor snatched it out of the air. Smiling, he held it up for their inspection.
It wasn't even marked.
'Indestructible,' said the Doctor, replacing the cup on its saucer. His gaze flicked back and forth from Bernice to Roz, as if he were waiting for them to get the joke. Bernice shot a glance at Roz who looked as worried as she was.
'Random co-ordinates,' said Bernice. 'You promised.'
'I know what you're thinking,' said the Doctor, 'and I can assure you that the future of the universe is not at stake.'
'Well,' said Roz, 'that's a relief.'
'I'm warning you, Professor Summerfield,' said the Doctor, 'and you, Adjudicator Forrester, if this attitude of wilful melancholy persists I will have no option but to take punitive measures.' The Doctor seized a pair of dessert spoons from the table and held them up.
'You wouldn't dare,'