Doctor Who_ The Dying Days - Lance Parkin [125]
'I grew bored of it. Thiss way it sservess a practical purposse.'
'Martians are not a race to waste anything.'
'No.' I poured two cups of tea and spilt about three more, not bad going considering my wrists were tied together.
Xznaal hadn't kil ed me. Normally, this would be good news, but I had learnt over the years that when megalomaniacs don't kill you straight away it's because they plan to kil you horribly a little way down the line, once they'd assembled suitable kil ing equipment. I was unsure whether I was expected to conduct a conversation with my captor. I began by asking Xznaal why I hadn't been killed yet.
'You vanquisshed a Martian warrior in ssingle combat,' the Martian whispered. There was a tone of respect in his voice. Megalomaniacs were also the only people in the whole, wide universe that used words like "vanquished" in everyday conversation.
'Er, yes. It's not something I'm terribly proud of.' But if it meant that Xznaal respected me...
'You desserve an honourable death. An execution.'
I nodded my head. 'Do I get to choose the method?'
Xznaal cackled. 'An exquissite idea.' He sucked some more air. 'How do you wissh to die, human?'
I made a show of looking around. My eye caught a wooden block and an axe. There was a little plaque: 111
"The axe which is of the Tudor Period, was for long displayed at the Tower as the instrument of Anne Boleyn's death, although in fact by her own choice she was beheaded with a sword. The block was made for the last beheading on Tower Hill in 1747."
The trouble was, I didn't fancy the idea of beheading, however it was done. Nor gassing, stabbing, hanging, shooting, electrocution, lethal injection or strangulation. Dying was an irredeemably unpleasant idea.
'I choose "old age",' I announced final y.
Xznaal seemed disappointed by the answer, as I had expected. Before one could join the Amalgamated Union of Villains, Baddies and Miscel aneous Evil Persons one had to abandon any sense of humour.
The Martian Lord drew breath. 'From ssome of the implementss on dissplay in thiss fort, I knew that your race truly iss ingeniouss when it comess to the artss of death.'
I thanked him, already knowing that Xznaal wouldn't be able to pick up on my tone of voice.
'The concept of "torture", for example iss - '
I yawned. It had reached that stage in the proceedings.
Xznaal cocked his head.
'The Victorians exaggerated all that,' I informed him. 'There aren't quite as many dungeons and torture chambers here as they would have you believe.'
'I know that,' Xznaal replied, 'but thiss iss sstill the place where many human nobless were executed. The Princess in the Tower, Lady Jane Grey... '
I was impressed by the level of the Martian's research, and told him as much. He accepted the compliment.
Behind us, silently, the Martian shuttle began rising into the air. It passed overhead, arcing up towards the warship.
A hatch was opening up to welcome it. Neither Martian ship seemed concerned by the prospect of a surface-to-air attack, and none came.
Xznaal watched the two vessels converging in silence. The shuttlecraft rotated on one of its axes, rising the last few metres into the body of the warship. Above it, hydraulic clamps rattled out of their housings and locked into place. I realised that I needed to keep talking to Xznaal.
'How goes the battle?' I asked after a slightly awkward moment.
Xznaal licked his lips, the Martian equivalent of a smile. 'The human ressisstance forcess are brave, their tacticss show intel igence.'
'But they don't have the firepower to get in here and they don't stand a chance against the warship?'
'No.'
' "It's bows and arrows against the lightning, anyhow," ' I said in an attempt at a Cockney accent.
Xznaal looked down at me.
'A quotation from an Earth book,' I told him, although I didn't tel him which one. He didn't seem to care. 'Why aren't you using the sonic cannons?' I asked.
'They are unnecessssary.'
'Because