Doctor Who_ The Gallifrey Chronicles - Lance Parkin [109]
‘It’s in the garage, I think,’ Rachel said.
She went looking for it. Trix vanished into the TARDIS with another armful of books.
‘Doctor,’ said Fitz, once the two of them were alone. ‘I know about Gallifrey.
My memory came back a while ago.’
‘I think I must have wiped your memories too. To keep my secret.’
‘If that was you, it wasn’t a brilliant job. The last couple of years, some times I’ve remembered, some times I haven’t.’
‘I was in a hurry and had other things on my mind.’
‘I. . . wasn’t sure what you knew. I didn’t want to burden you with. . . ’
‘With the knowledge I had destroyed a planet?’
‘Yeah. I didn’t really know how to handle it. Not really the sort of thing you already know how to deal with.’
‘No,’ the Doctor said quietly.
‘You remember what happened, now?’
‘I don’t remember it. I’ve only seen it. I don’t think it’s quite me yet.’
‘You did the right thing,’ Fitz said, ‘from what I understand of it.’
‘I killed a lot of people.’
‘Saved a lot, and a lot more since.’
The Doctor rubbed his lip. ‘The one doesn’t excuse the other. I destroyed Gallifrey. I’m not off the hook for that, and even if I save the Earth from the Vore that won’t redeem me.’
‘What will?’
‘That, my dear Fitz, is the right question.’
‘Are you going to take it easy now. Keep yourself out of harm’s way?’
‘Not really my style.’
‘What about them?’ Fitz asked.
‘Let’s sort out the Vore first.’
‘And. . . er. . . that little robot dog thing? Is he coming with us?’
‘I’m sending K9 off on a little errand to Espero, to see if he’s any good as a bloodhound.’
The Doctor paused, looked distracted.
‘Are you OK?’
‘It’s odd. I’ve been having the most unpleasant sensation. I can’t remember Gallifrey, but it hurts when I try to think about it. Wanting something to be the way it never was, and never can be again.’
‘You’ve never felt nostalgic before?’
227
The Doctor shrugged. ‘It’s a pretty meaningless concept when you’re a time-traveller.’
‘The pain of returning.’
‘Pardon?’
‘It’s the literal meaning of nostalgia. From the Greek.’
‘I have to say, since you died, your general knowledge has radically improved.’
‘Everything changes, a Time Lord even more so. Everything and everyone is changing, all the time. There’s sticking to your guns but if you stay as you are, and you don’t grow or take risks. . . you still change. But it means you seize up, end up just repeating yourself. Become your own museum or descend into self-parody. What’s happened has happened. It can’t be undone.
Even if some weird timestormy parallel paradoxy universy thing came along, and outer space went all wobbly and Gallifrey came back, just as it was. . .
well, you’d still be the man who did what you did. All you can do now is go forwards.’
The Doctor nodded. ‘And you? What about you and Trix?’
‘We’re going forwards together.’
‘Good for you.’
The doorbell rang.
The Doctor stood. ‘That will be General. . . er. . . Lethbridge-Stewart, I think he said it was. Fitz, could you round up the others?’
A little over a day later they’d reached the Illustrious.
Rachel and Trix needed to freshen up after enduring hour after uncomfortable hour in a succession of transport planes and helicopters. The Doctor and Fitz stood on the deck. Around them Harriers were being readied. The deck was long and ended in what looked like a ski jump. It was a warm evening.
The sea and sky were both a deep, rich blue.
They were a mile off the coast – a thick, flat sand-and-green line. The Doctor had acquired an impressive navy-issue pair of binoculars. Fitz could make out the Vore mountain without them. It was quite a way inland, more of a column than most mountains, and leant to one side. All the better, the Doctor said, to catch the sun.
‘It’s not quite as tall as Kilimanjaro. Apparently it is still growing, though,’
he added.
‘How many monsters will be in there?’
‘Lots,’ the Doctor said, after running out of fingers.
He handed Fitz the binoculars.
Like all tall mountains, the top was