Doctor Who_ The Gallifrey Chronicles - Lance Parkin [39]
Nothing.
Marnal took a step back, jerking his head from side to side, as though he was trying to loosen something that had got stuck inside it.
‘How?’ he asked, when he had recovered.
‘I’m not even sure what,’ the Doctor admitted cheerfully. He looked more carefully at his captor. ‘You wanted to read my mind. Over the years, quite a few people have tried. They’ve also come away empty-handed.’
‘Your amnesia is genuine enough,’ Marnal conceded. ‘It changes nothing.’
‘I don’t know how I lost my memories,’ the Doctor told him. ‘But I know it was right that I did so.’
‘Right? You can say that without any idea what you did?’
‘Yes. I don’t know why, but I know it.’
‘No,’ Marnal said. ‘You feel unease.’
‘I am often faced with serious decisions,’ the Doctor said. ‘Life or death decisions. I know that I am not infallible, I know that I am not all-powerful.’
‘You have killed people.’
‘As a last resort, but yes. My actions have led to the death of others, including innocent people. I have always tried to minimise the loss of life. That is usually not the case with those I oppose, which is one of the reasons I oppose them.’ The Doctor straightened up. ‘Am I on trial here, Marnal?’
Marnal thought about it. ‘Yes. Yes, you are.’
‘Does this look like a legitimate court to you? I don’t know what my crime is. I don’t know what the evidence is against me. And you seem to be judge, jury, gaoler, chief prosecution witness. . . As well as being an interested party in the case. I’ve travelled across the universe, Marnal, and if I’ve learnt one thing it’s that trials are never fair unless they have to be.’
84
‘You don’t know what your crime is,’ Marnal quoted back to him. ‘You know a crime was committed, though, don’t you? Ever since you woke up in that carriage, having lost everything you once were, you’ve known something was wrong. You’ve felt unease whenever you’ve tried to think back. You’ve known it was you.’
The Doctor couldn’t deny it.
‘It’s a court of your peers, Doctor.’
‘Marnal. Whatever happened, it happened for a good reason. I lost my memory of it for a good reason. It’s the past. It’s a done deed. I can’t face it.’
‘You won’t face it – there’s a difference.’
‘I know what I said.’
‘I think it’s time for you to find out what you did,’ Marnal snapped back.
Trix and Fitz were lying facing each other, noses about an inch apart, on top of the hotel bed sheets. They were both a little drunk, but only a little. It was nice and warm in the room.
‘Why didn’t Anji tell him?’ Fitz asked.
‘She covered your little faux pas very well, I thought.’
‘But why hadn’t she told him?’
‘You’ve not told anyone here, have you? You didn’t say to the waiter, “Hey, that chicken korma was almost as nice as the poached nightfish I had last week on planet Venus, can I please pay the bill in Andromedan euros?”’
‘I’m not engaged to the waiter. She’s been seeing Greg for a year now. Do you think she is going to tell him?’
‘Perhaps she’s waiting for the right moment.’
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know. Perhaps when they go to see Revenge of the Sith, and he says,
“Half of the monsters looked like men in rubber suits and half of them looked like CGI” she could go, “Yeah, but that’s about the same ratio as real life, and I speak from experience.”
‘I don’t think you’re taking my point seriously.’
‘No kidding. It’s her choice, isn’t it?’
‘I suppose. But. . . well, wouldn’t you want to boast about it? Or at least share it with someone? Isn’t it, well, the biggest part of her life?’
‘Different people do different things. I don’t need to tell you what happened after the Second World War. Most men who came back from service abroad never, ever talked about it again. Even if it wasn’t that bad, it was nothing like an ordinary life, nothing like they’d ever see again. So they put it in a box in their memories. Even when they met up with other old soldiers a lot of them never discussed it. Everyone has their secrets.’
‘Everyone but me,’ said Fitz.
85
‘I have secrets,’ she replied. ‘There’s a lot you don’t know about me.’
‘We saw a lot of death,