Doctor Who_ The Gunfighters - Donald Cotton [11]
‘Well, now – ain’t that something?’ said Bat. ‘Ain’t that jest the daddy of all coincidences? Ain’t that the livin’, breathin’ cock-a-mamie circumstance to beat all? Why, I’ll be swiped sideways for an egg-stealin’ polecat, if... ’
‘Keep it short, Bat,’ warned Wyatt.
‘... if it ain’t!’ his friend concluded.
‘You all through now?’
‘Jest about. But Wyatt, seems like an Act of Providence...’
‘Reckon I’d know best about a thing like that. What are you trying to say?’
‘Why, Wyatt...’
‘An’ don’t say “Why, Wyatt!” Told you before – sounds like you’re stammerin’. Man stammers, he’s scared. An’ a scared sheriff’s a dead one. Go on!’
‘Give me a moment... O.K. then, listen Wyatt – how about that? Guess who blew into town this morning!’
‘Can’t rightly say...’
‘Why –’
‘Careful!’
Bat took a deep breath. ‘Holliday blew, that’s who! That no-account, four-flushing, treacherous rattlesnake of a...’
‘You’re speakin’ of a friend of mine?’
‘That’s right. Well he’s opened himself a dental extractory, right here on Main Street! How about that? An’
I was just goin’ to run him out of town on a rail!’
‘Oh, don’t do that!’ begged the Doctor. ‘Or not until I’ve seen him anyway!’
‘Feller’s right, Bat,’ said Wyatt. ‘Like it or not, you an’
me’ll likely be needin’ Holliday’s assistance right soon.
The way things are, we gonna thank the Lord for all the guns we can get!’
‘Guns?’ enquired the Doctor. ‘I thought you said he was a dentist?’
‘Time to time he is. Othertimes, he’s the deadliest, alcoholic killer as ever saved my life. Down in Tucson, that was... O.K. then, stranger – if that’s truly your business in town, I won’t keep you from it. If he gets a customer straight off, maybe he’ll stick around a while. Let ’em out, Bat.’
The Doctor was probing his mouth cautiously.
‘Homicidal, you say? And dipsomania, too? In that case, I’m not entirely sure that I need... ouch... his services...’
‘Don’t worry, old timer,’ comforted Wyatt. ‘Doctor John H. Holliday don’t ever mix business with misery. He’ll do you a right good job, if you tell him I sent you... an’ if he’s sober, of course. Which this hour he’ll likely still be...
Now, on your way!’
So, in as little time as it took Bat Masterson to find the right key, the three friends were released on probation; and stumbled out on to Main Street, to go and meet their customary come-uppance.
7
Open Mouth Surgery
Seems they found the dentefactor’s premises without any trouble – and that was something they should have made the most of, while they had the chance; being as how we all need just such an occasional tranquil moment in our lives.
Doc Holliday had chosen to advertise his whereabouts with the simple but striking device of a king-size, hardwood, decayed tooth; suspended over the sidewalk from an ornamental iron bracket – painted bright red, to simulate the appearance of a bleeding gum. Not only effective, I’d say, but also positively therapeutic; because one glance persuaded the Doctor that his pain resulted from nothing but an inflamed imagination.
‘It was only the merest twinge,’ he said. ‘Undoubtedly psychosomatic in origin. No, I really don’t think I need trouble the man over such a paltry... ouch!’
‘You get in there, Doctor!’ said Steven, ruthlessly. ‘Now you’ve dragged us all into this god-forsaken hole, you’ll damn well have the thing out. Otherwise there’ll be tears and tantrums all the way to the next time warp!’
‘You wouldn’t dare to speak to me like that, my boy, if I weren’t...’
‘Probably not. So just think how nice it’ll be to get your own back, once it’s all over. Then Dodo and I will be able to play and sing at your convalescence, won’t we? Honestly
– the Queen of the Ivory Keys! Songs for All Occasions!
We’re not going to forgive you for that in a hurry!’
‘Well, I had to say something...’
‘Yes, you always do, don’t you? Well, I only hope someone