Doctor Who_ The Myth Makers - Donald Cotton [8]
The Doctor spluttered with indignation: ‘Nothing would induce me to indulge in vulgar bawdy!’
‘Well then,’ said Odysseus, reasonably, ‘you will explain why you are lurking near the Graecian lines – and how you practised on the slender wits of young Achilles. That should prove equally entertaining.’
Rather foolishly, in my opinion, Achilles drew his sword.
‘You will pay for this, Odysseus!’ he shouted. The latter was unimpressed.
‘Will I, Achilles? Well, we shall see... But meanwhile, lads, do some of you take up that royal carrion yonder. At least so much must we do for Lord Achilles, lest none believe his story. Nay, put up your sword, boy! We comrades should not quarrel in the sight of Zeus.’
And they marched away over the sky-line, carrying with them the helpless Doctor, and the mortal remains of Hector, Prince of Troy; while the echoes of Odysseus’s laughter reverberated round the distant ramparts.
Achilles, for his part, looked – and, no doubt, felt –
extremely foolish. At length, when the war-party was out of earshot, he spat after them: ‘You will not laugh so loud, I think, when Agamemnon hears of this!’
Well, you have to say something don’t you? Then he sprang nimbly off towards the Graecian lines by an alternative route.
And, always having a nose for a good story, I followed at a more leisurely pace.
5
Exit the Doctor
Meanwhile, as they say, back in the TARDIS, the Doctor’s situation was giving rise – as again they say – to serious concern.
For, as they told me later, Vicki and Steven, his two companions, had been watching the progress, or rather, the retreat of events on the scanner, and they were pardonably worried. After all, he had only stepped out for a moment to enquire the way; and now, here he suddenly wasn’t! You can imagine the conversation...
‘They didn’t look like aboriginal bushmen, Steven,’ mused Vicki. ‘Do you think this is the Kalahari Desert – or has he got it wrong again?’
‘Of course he has!’ snapped the irritated ex-astronaut.
Sometimes he found Vicki almost as tiresome as the Doctor.
After all, he hadn’t joined the Space-Research Project to play the giddy-goat with Time as well! And if he didn’t get back to base soon, awkward questions were gong to be asked. I mean, compassionate leave is one thing, but this was becoming ridiculous.
‘If only,’ he said, ‘the Doctor would stop trying to pretend he’s in control of events we might get somewhere! Why isn’t he honest enough to admit that he has no idea how this thing operates? Then perhaps we could work out the basic principles of it together – after all, I do have a degree in science! But no –
he’s always got to know best, hasn’t he? Now look at him –
trussed like a chicken and being taken to God knows where!’
‘Well, if they are bushmen,’ said Vicki, looking on the bright side, ‘perhaps they’ve taken him to see their cave drawings?’
Steven regarded her with the sort of explosive pity one does well to avoid. ‘Oh, do use what little sense I’ve tried to teach you!
Those men were Ancient Greeks – that’s who they were. Don’t you remember anything from school? Its my belief we’ve gatecrashed into the middle of the Trojan War – and, if so, Heaven help us! Ten years that little episode lasted as I recall!’
‘Well, whoever they were, they seemed to treat him with great respect...’
‘Don’t be silly, Vicki, they were laughing at him!’
‘Yes,’ she admitted, ‘perhaps he made a joke?’
‘If so, let’s hope it was a practical one for a change! They didn’t look as if they’d appreciate subtle humour...’
‘I don’t know, Steven... I thought the Greeks were civilized?’
‘Only the later ones. I imagine these sort of people were little better than barbarians!’
‘But I’ve always been told they were heroes. Magnificent men who had marvellous adventures. You know, like Jason and the Argonauts.’
‘I’m afraid you’ve been reading too much mythology, Vicki
– real life was never like that. But I suppose, in a sense, these characters would have been the original myth makers...’
‘What do you