Doctor Who_ The Romans - Donald Cotton [16]
Later: I was right - I can depend on no one! Tigillinius, the deaf-mute slave I keep around for laughs, has just informed me in his impeccable sign-language that the Corinthian musician, Maximus Petullian, craves an audience of me! How can this be (and why, incidentally, can’t he attract an audience of his own?) when only yesterday I despatched my most trusted centurion and the assassin Ascaris, of whom he spoke so highly, to make an end of the fellow? Have I been betrayed, or are they simply inefficient?
Well, I suppose I shall have to see the man if he is still alive, or my reputation as a patron of the Arts will surely suffer. But this meeting is one I have been anxious to avoid, as I detest being bearded in my lion’s den (now, there’s a happy thought!) by the competition.
Oh, the loneliness of power...
DOCUMENT XIV
Fourth Letter from Legionary (Second Class) Ascaris
Dear Mum,
The Fates have smiled upon me in my sewer, and about time too, wouldn’t you say? Towards dusk I emerged briefly for a breath or two, and was about to sink my scruples once more, when who should I see but my recent victim and late assailant, the apparently indestructible Maximus Petullian! He appeared to be lecturing some bit of a girl on the architectural heritage in which we all take a pride; and as he seemed to be off his guard for once, I resolved to follow him with the stealth for which I am a catch-phrase, and was in time to see him enter your actual palace, bold as you please!
Well, he is going to regret that, I can tell you; for just as soon as I can purchase another dagger, I shall be about his person with it, and so redeem my fallen fortunes.
There being a queue at the armourers, I take this opportunity of letting you know my intentions, and remain Your resourceful boy,
Ascaris.
PS. Why do you never reply to my letters? Have I offended you in some way?
DOCUMENT XV
Fifth Extract from the Doctor’s Diary A curious incident!
On presenting ourselves at Nero’s palace, Vicki and I were not at first able to attract any attention; but after some time spent in examining the plunder of Gloria Mundi, with which the entrance hall was crammed to such an extent as to make movement difficult, I inadvertently knocked over a status of Venus, thereby severing both its arms; and I was then at once approached by a court official who looked at me enquiringly.
I introduced myself as Maximus Petullian, and stated my business – not an easy matter under the circumstances.
But my speech had been well rehearsed in anticipation of the occasion; and after some five minutes I fancied I had covered most of the relevant facts material to my purpose, namely an interview with the Emperor, who, I had reason to believe, was expecting me.
The official no longer looked enquiring, but merely blank; and having done so, pointed in turn to his ears and his mouth. I looked at them closely, but found nothing at all remarkable to justify the gesture; until Vicki suggested that the man might be deaf and dumb. This ridiculous theory proved to be correct, and meant that I had wasted a good deal of valuable time; but fortunately I am well acquainted with the rudiments of sign language, and so was able to repeat my introductory remarks in mime.
At this he nodded with complete understanding, and indicated that we should take our seats on a singularly uncomfortable marble bench, fashioned in the shape of two obese babies - Romulus and Remus, presumably - being suckled by an irritable looking she-wolf, while he went to inform his master of our presence.
It was while we were thus engaged that we were approached by the very centurion who only that morning had bilked me of the price of bed and board; and I was rebuking the fellow roundly, when he laughed in an unpleasant manner, grabbed me by the lapels of my toga, and hauled me to my feet, breathing garlic in my face, and making no offer of restitution.
Now, as is well known, I am not to be trifled