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Romulus looked up from the book he was reading and cast an indifferent look at his father. 'You've been squeezing your blackheads,' he said at last. Archie's expression collapsed, his confidence shattered. 'I hope you've washed your hands. I don't want you touching me with bacteria-covered fingers.'

Archie opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I want to kill them! he screamed - but he only shouted this inside his head. I want to tear them limb from limb! But out loud he muttered 'I've come to say goodnight.'

Neither one of his sons replied. Romulus returning to his book and Remus continuing to rummage in a large wooden toy box.

Archie tried to cheer himself up by telling the twins about the android babysitter, but they remained impassive. He then enquired what sort of day they had had and the twins related in minute, boring detail each tedious event. Archie then attempted to counter bore by telling them about the publisher's party he was about to attend, but omitted to say that afterwards he was having dinner with computer programmer Vestal Smith - when the Voxnic would flow like water and he would receive lots of the deep understanding she was so good at.

But then the inevitable happened, the question Archie had dreaded.

It was made doubly unpleasant as it came in the middle of thinking about Vestal Smith.

'Where's Mother?'

Archie locked his fantasy away in a large box marked 'private' and turned towards his hateful son.

'Er... well, Remus,' he muttered. Archie hated using the twin's names in case he got them wrong. 'Well... to be honest... er ... she's busy.'

'Does that mean she isn't talking to us?' Remus's tone was as pompous and as arrogant as a tax official having just discovered a double entry. 'Or has she already gone out without saying goodbye?'

Archie reluctantly nodded. The twins retorted with a scowl, then said together 'Abandoned again!' This speaking as one person always unnerved Archie. He was aware that identical twins sometimes possessed an uncanny rapport with each other and were often able to anticipate what the other was about to say, but Romulus and Remus were able to bring a rather unpleasant edge to the way they used this talent.

'You we forgive. Father... but not Mother.' Their dual intonation was like a terrible threat.

'I wish you would be kinder to your mother.' Archie was surprised at how stern he sounded. He then became afraid when the two advanced towards him. Standing shoulder to shoulder they stared up into his face, their own countenance hard and unyielding.

'Why?' they said together. 'Because mother happened to give birth to us, does that automatically grant her a place in our affections?'

Archie wasn't certain if the question was meant to be rhetorical or not, as they didn't give him time to answer.

'Respect must be earnt, Father. Mother is a fool! You know that!

Do you wish us to respect a fool. You've always said the contrary.'

A fool'.' A fool! How can they think she's a fool, he screamed inside his head. A woman who has four Ph.Ds and more degrees than any other person this side of Vebus Twelve! A fool!

Romulus and Remus continued to stare up at their father. Archie wondered if they could hear every ranting thought in his head.

Well, I hope you can! But out loud he said somewhat stiffly, 'Your mother is who she is whether you think her a fool or not. It's no excuse for poor manners and lack of concern.'

Archie braced himself for a savage riposte, but instead the twins turned away. 'As you wish, Father,' they said as one voice and then crossed to their computer terminals.

Archie was puzzled. Why the sudden change of mood'.' Cautiously he looked around the room expecting the worse sort of danger. The twins never gave up without a struggle. As a rule they would fight to the last shred and tatter of their argument.

Once more Archie's paranoia took flight. Perhaps they've put a bomb in my personal transporter. Reprogrammed the android babysitter. At this very moment it's