Doctor Who_ Warchild - Andrew Cartmel [69]
They made Pangbourne think of accounts he’d read of great leaders and charismatic holy men. The stare that looked into your soul. They said that Rasputin had eyes like that.
And Charlie Manson.
And Hitler.
‘Your mom and I talked about what we called your problem. Do you think you have a problem, Ricky?’
‘You want to know what my problem is?’ Ricky wasn’t sure what was happening to him. Suddenly his voice was shaking. He had the strangest impulse to trust this man.
Pangbourne sat across the desk from him, waiting patiently, not trying to force an answer out of him.
So Ricky took a deep breath, and told the truth.
‘I just want them all to stop looking at me.’
‘Who?’
‘You, them, everyone.’
The other kids?’
‘Everyone.’
‘You want them to stop looking at you?’
‘To leave me alone. Get their eyes off me. To pay attention to someone else, for Christ’s sake.’
‘You feel that everyone is always looking at you?’
‘No, not always. Don’t make it sound like I’m crazy.
Paranoid or something.’
‘I didn’t bring up craziness or paranoia, son.’
‘Maybe not, but I know what you were getting at.’
‘Now, that does begin to sound paranoid.’ Pangbourne’s voice was smooth and ruthless, making Ricky more and more angry.
‘Oh, just go to hell.’
‘That’s constructive.’
‘Well, if you don’t believe me, just come and watch sometime. See what it’s like for me.’
‘And what will I see if I do?’
‘I didn’t say everybody was looking at me all the time,’
said Ricky hotly. ‘Most of the time they don’t even notice me.
I work damn hard to make sure they don’t. To make sure they leave me alone. It’s a full-time job getting them to ignore me.
But sometimes I forget and then the bastards all start staring with their hungry little eyes.’
‘Really? And what are those eyes hungry for?’
‘I don’t know,’ said Ricky. The anger was starting to drain out of him now, leaving him feeling exhausted. In contrast, Pangbourne seemed to have revived. ‘It’s like they expect me to have the answers or something,’ said Ricky.
‘What answers?’
‘I don’t know. The answers to whatever questions they have. Don’t ask me. I don’t know if they even know themselves. They’re like a bunch of stupid sheep.’
‘That sounds a rather unhealthy way of looking at your fellow human beings.’
‘Then why don’t they take their stupid sheep-eyes off me?’ said Ricky venomously.
‘Maybe you’re imagining it.’
‘Sure. And maybe you’re imagining my school record.’
Pangbourne smiled. ‘Good point, son.’
A long thoughtful silence settled over the smoky office.
After a while the principal cleared his throat. ‘Ricky, if I was to say that I thought you were a pretty smart kid, would you think it was just some kind of ass-kissing tactic?’
Ricky couldn’t help smiling. ‘Yes, sir,’ he said.
‘Well, maybe something can be a tactic and still be true.
What do you think about that?’
‘I think that’s another tactic, sir.’
‘Well, let’s assume for a minute that you are smart. Now I’m going to ask you to use some of that intelligence on this situation here.’
At the mention of his situation Ricky’s smile faded. ‘I notice you didn’t say problem.’
‘More ass-kissing,’ said Pangbourne lightly. ‘I want you to try and guess why everyone pays so much attention to you.
You said they want something from you. Well, what do they want?’
He could see Ricky beginning to shrug, to say he didn’t have any idea, but Pangbourne held up a hand and stopped him. ‘I’m just asking you to make a guess, son. Just try.’
There was another long silence in the small office. Finally Ricky shrugged and said, ‘Maybe people have got an emptiness in them. Maybe they think I can fill it.’
Pangbourne nodded slowly, then glanced at his watch and frowned. ‘Looks like I’d better let you go or you won’t get a lunch-hour today.’
Their meeting was over. Ricky was surprised at the sudden plunging disappointment he felt.
Ricky went out quickly,