Doctor Zhivago - Boris Pasternak [268]
“Now, quite recently, I’ve begun to receive letters again from there. From all of them, even the children. Warm, tender letters. Something’s softened. Maybe there are changes with Tonya, some new friend. God grant it’s so. I don’t know. I also sometimes write to them. But I really can’t go on. I must leave or I’ll start suffocating. Good-bye.”
The next day Marina came running to Gordon more dead than alive. She had no one to leave the children with and carried the little one, Klasha, wrapped tightly in a blanket, pressing her to her breast with one hand, and with the other dragged the lagging and protesting Kapa by the hand.
“Is Yura here, Misha?” she asked in a voice not her own.
“Didn’t he spend the night at home?”
“No.”
“Well, then he’s at Innokenty’s.”
“I was there. Innokenty has classes at the university. But his neighbors know Yura. He didn’t show up there.”
“Then where is he?”
Marina placed the swaddled Klasha on the sofa. She became hysterical.
8
For two days Gordon and Dudorov never left Marina’s side. They took turns keeping watch on her, afraid of leaving her alone. In the intervals they went in search of the doctor. They ran around to all the places they supposed he might be wandering in, went to Flour Town and to the Sivtsev house, visited all the Palaces of Thought and Houses of Ideas that he had ever worked in, went to see all the old acquaintances they had any idea of and whose addresses they were able to find. The search yielded no results.
They did not inform the police, so as not to remind the authorities of a man who, though he was registered and had no criminal record, was, in the notions of that time, far from exemplary. They decided to put the police on his trail only in the last extremity.
On the third day, Marina, Gordon, and Dudorov received letters at different times from Yuri Andreevich. They were full of regrets regarding the anxieties and fears he had caused them. He begged them to forgive him and to calm themselves, and adjured them by all that was holy to stop their search for him, which in any case would lead to nothing.
He told them that with the aim of the speediest and fullest remaking of his life, he wanted to be left alone for a time, in order to go about his affairs in a concentrated way, and once he was somewhat set in his new pursuits and was convinced that, after the break that had taken place, there would be no return to the old ways, he would leave his hiding place and return to Marina and the children.
He told Gordon in his letter that he had transferred money for Marina to his name. He asked him to hire a nanny for the children, so as to free Marina to go back to work. He explained that he was wary of sending money directly to her address, for fear that the sum showing on the notice would expose her to the danger of being robbed.
The money soon came, far exceeding the doctor’s scale and the standards of his friends. A nanny was hired for the children. Marina was taken back at the telegraph. For a long time she could not calm down, but, being accustomed to Yuri Andreevich’s past oddities, she finally reconciled herself to this new escapade as well. Despite Yuri Andreevich’s pleas and warnings, his friends and Marina continued to search for him, and his prediction kept being confirmed. They did not find him.
9
And meanwhile he was living a few steps away from them, right under their noses and in full view, within the narrow circle of their search.
When he left Gordon’s on the day of his disappearance, it was still light. He went down Bronnaya, heading for his home in Spiridonovka, and at once, before going a hundred steps, ran into his half brother, Evgraf Zhivago, coming in the opposite direction. Yuri Andreevich had not seen him for more than three years and knew nothing about him. As it turned out, Evgraf was