Don't Say a Word - Barbara Freethy [61]
"You're right. This information should be delivered in person. I'll talk to them both tomorrow." She didn't like his knowing smile. "What? Why are you grinning at me like that? Did I say something funny?"
"You keep making excuses not to talk to your fianc?. Don't you ever ask yourself why that is?"
"I've been a little busy lately. And what do you know about it anyway? Have you ever been in love? Ever been engaged, married, or shacked up with someone?"
"Do they still call it 'shacked up'?"
"You know what I mean. Don't be evasive."
"Have you heard the phrase 'It's none of your business'?"
"That doesn't apply to us. We're friends, and friends share."
"You don't have many male friends, do you?"
"What? Is your love life a secret?" She pulled her legs up beneath her, sitting cross-legged on the bed, so she could face him. "There must have been a serious girl at some point in your life. You're in your thirties, right?"
"Thirty- four," he said. "There have been a few women, one serious. We lived together for about a year when I was in my twenties. She wanted more than I could give her. End of story."
She eyed him with interest, pleased he was finally telling her something. "She wanted marriage?"
"A house, kids, the whole deal. But I was just starting my career. I knew I wasn't ready for any of that. I thought she might wait, but she didn't." His voice was dispassionate, cool, but there was something in the tightness of his expression that told Julia he wasn't as uncaring about the failed relationship as he pretended to be. "After that, I focused on work and put relationships on the back burner."
"It sounds kind of lonely, Alex."
"Believe me, it's not," he said, the grin back on his face.
"I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about relationships."
"That's the difference between men and women. We want sex. You want a relationship. I realized a long time ago that I'm not cut out for the married life. I like to be free-just like my father."
"But your father married your mother," she pointed out.
"Yeah, and look how well that turned out," he said in a voice filled with sarcasm.
"You're not your father. Maybe things would be different for you now that you're older. You're established in your career. You're successful. Maybe it's time to try another relationship."
"Are you volunteering?"
"No." She immediately squashed that idea. "I'm-"
"Engaged. Yeah, I got that. You're on your way to a permanent address, what every woman wants."
His arrogance put her back up. "How do you know what every woman wants? That's a very generalized statement."
"That's what you want, isn't it?"
She started to answer yes, then stopped. Is that what she wanted? A permanent address? She'd been raised to want that. But did she? Did she really?
"It's not that difficult a question, Julia," he said dryly.
"I was going to say yes, but the truth is I'm not sure what I want anymore. Every girl grows up thinking about marriage, a home, babies. I know I want children someday, but not anytime soon. I have things I want to do first."
"Like what?"
"Travel. I want to see some of the world. I'd also like to get my radio show nationally syndicated. And there's this charity that brings music to poor children in other countries. They provide musical instruments to those who can't afford them. I run a concert in San Francisco that helps out the charity, but I'd like to do more. I believe that music brings a peace and a harmony to people, that it inspires and heals and…" She paused at his smile. "Too much information?"
"Not at all. I like it when you get fired up about something. Your eyes sparkle."
"I'll admit I'm a fanatic about music. When I play a piece on the piano or bang out a rhythm on some drums or just listen to a song on the radio, it changes me. It makes me feel better, more powerful and capable, less stressed. It transforms my life for those brief moments. I want everyone to have a chance to feel that way. Is there something wrong with that?"