Don't Say a Word - Barbara Freethy [80]
"Of course it does," he replied, the light dimming in his eyes. "I love you. I want you to be happy."
"Then why didn't you tell me about the house? Why didn't you show it to me before you bought it? Don't you think we should be making these decisions together? A house is a huge purchase."
"I'm the man. I want to provide for you and our children. It's the way I was raised."
"First of all, we don't have children yet. You make it sound like they're already here." And that little fact had drawn goose bumps down her arms. "Second of all, I want kids, but not yet, not really soon."
"You're almost thirty. How long do you want to wait?"
"I don't know. Until I'm ready. My God, Michael! You bought us a house without telling me. Don't you! think that's crazy? How did you even afford it?"
"I've been saving for years. I've always wanted a place of my own, real estate, my land, my houses something I can put my mark on. And no, I don't? think that's crazy. I think it's smart. I think that kind of foresight makes me a good man." I "Except you just said 'my,' like, three times. What happened to 'our'? What happened to us making decisions together as partners?"
"And how the hell would I get you to make such a decision? You can't even focus on our wedding, much less the rest of our life," he snapped back.
"That's not an excuse for leaving me out of the loop. Not on something this big."
"I thought you'd be happy that I took care of it for you."
"Happy? How could I be happy? You didn't consider my feelings."
"And you've been considering mine? I've asked you to give up this search a half dozen times now, and your answer has been hell, no. You don't care what I think at all. And you're not even giving this house a chance. You might love it."
"It's not the house. It's the fact that you bought it without telling me. That you're planning our lives without my input. That's not right, Michael." She knew the moment of truth had finally come. She had to face their relationship head-on. "We're not right." "Just stop there-"
"No." She shrugged out of his hold. "I can't stop. I have to tell you how I feel."
"It's that guy, Alex, isn't it?" he demanded furiously. "He's the reason you're pulling away from me. You're attracted to him, aren't you?"
"This isn't about him," she said, sidestepping the issue of attraction. "It's about you and me. Us. It's my fault, Michael. 1 let things go on for too long. And I'm sorry about that."
He shook his head. "Don't."
"You're one of the best men I've ever known. The way you took care of me and Liz during Mom's illness was unbelievably kind and generous. But I've known for a while now that you and me… that we're not right for each other."
"We're perfect for each other," he said desperately. "How can you say that?"
"Because it's true. Because you don't see me the way I am. I never said I wanted a house. I never said I wanted kids in the next five years. You just assumed I did. And I should have corrected you a long time ago."
"I know you want kids."
"But I want other things first," she said passionately. "I'm beginning to realize how narrow my life has been. Mom was so strict about things I could do or not do, who I could see, where I could go, and I let her control me. And I started letting you do the same thing."
"I love you," he said with genuine, heartbreaking sincerity.
"I love you, too," she whispered, "but not the way a woman loves a man she's going to marry." She knew she was hurting him, and she felt horrible. She'd never wanted to bring him pain.
"You're just confused because of your past and this mystery you're chasing," he said, not willing to let go of his dream. "You'll feel differently when it's over, when that guy is out of your life."
"I won't. It's true I'm confused. But the one thing I've come to realize in the past few days is that I want to live my life to the fullest. I don't want to have regrets. I don't want to stop myself from asking questions or stating my opinion because I'm afraid the person I'm talking to will get hurt. I want to be free, Michael.