Don't Say a Word - Barbara Freethy [92]
This wasn't her, was it?
She didn't have casual sex, did she?
Not that kissing Alex felt even close to casual.
"Stop thinking," he muttered against her mouth. "I can hear the wheels turning in your brain." He lifted his head to look at her. She missed him when he was gone, but he was right: She was thinking and worrying…
"I'm not sure," she whispered. "I just got out of a relationship. I'm not certain I want to dive right into another one." She saw something flicker in his eyes and realized that he didn't want a relationship; he just wanted sex. She felt incredibly disappointed. "Oh," she said. "You're not looking for anything more than tonight or maybe just the next fifteen minutes."
"I think I can do better than fifteen minutes," he said lightly as he sat back. "It doesn't always have to mean something, Julia."
"I think it does-to me." She paused. "I know that sounds like a real girl thing to say, but that's what I am. If we make love tonight, Alex, I'm afraid I might fall in love with you. I don't think you want that."
She wanted him to refute her statement, tell her that's exactly what he wanted, because in truth she was already halfway in love with him, maybe more.
Alex didn't answer for a long tense moment. Then he said, "I'll leave you to make up the bed."
"You're not going to say anything else?"
"I don't make promises I can't keep." He got up and walked to the doorway, then turned back to her. "I don't know what real love is supposed to look like or feel like, Julia. And since you thought you were in love with someone else about eight hours ago, I'm not sure you do, either." On that note he left, closing the door quietly behind him.
She flopped back onto the bed, wondering if she'd made a huge mistake. As she stared up at the ceiling, she considered what he'd just said. He was wrong about one thing: She hadn't been in love with Michael eight hours ago. In fact, she'd probably never been in love with him, not the way she should have been. His kisses had never made her feel so dizzy, so off balance. Michael had been nice, comfortable, caring. Alex was hot, reckless, passionate.
She knew she wanted more in her life than what she'd had with Michael, but Alex was like a stick of dynamite. When it came right down to it, did she really 232 have the courage to go after everything she wanted? She could stay here and play it safe, or she could march» out into the living room and take the biggest risk of her life.
Her brain battled her body. Finally logic and caution won out. She couldn't make love with Alex to- 1 night. It was too soon. She was too confused. It j wouldn't be right.
But tomorrow was another day.
Chapter 15
Liz sat in her father's kitchen early Wednesday morning, watching him pour two glasses of orange juice. He topped off his drink with a discreet shot of vodka. She knew she should say something, but she wasn't in the mood to argue with him. She hadn't slept well on his couch, and her nerves were strung tight after the break-in at her apartment. She still had to face going back there and trying to put her belongings back together.
Everything was changing, she thought with a small sigh. Her life felt wrong in every way. Just seeing her father padding around the kitchen in mismatched pajamas with his hair standing on end and an air of fragility about him reminded her how different everything was. Breakfast in her family had always been a big, happy affair. Her mother had loved cooking up plates of eggs, bacon, and potatoes, topped off with fruit, pastries and juice. She'd insisted they all come dressed to the table, their hair brushed, their faces washed, ready to face the day.
The man in front of her wasn't the father she remembered from those days. He hadn't bothered to wash his face or brush his hair. She wasn't even