Down Among the Dead Men_ A Year in the Life of a Mortuary Technician - Michelle Williams [60]
Maddie asked, ‘What else do they have to do?’
With a perfectly straight face, he said, ‘In this exam? After they’ve performed a complete post-mortem, evisceration included, been orally examined on it, then written it up, they return for two more days during which they’ll have a three-hour examination reporting surgical pathology, a two-hour examination reporting cytology cases, a two-hour examination reporting special cases, be examined on how well they cut up surgical resection specimens, be examined on whether they can accurately report frozen sections, and then they have a final oral test.’
Maddie is not one to be impressed and hides it well when she is, but I could see that she was a bit taken aback by this and might have said more; I, though, was totally lost, and had been so after the second exam was mentioned. Clive interrupted then and stopped Ed in his tracks. ‘Which doesn’t involve us, it’s only the PM side we have to concern ourselves with, Maddie.’ He sounded cross. ‘I hope this isn’t going to be like the last time, Ed.’
Ed frowned. ‘Why? What happened?’
‘Complete shambles. Twiggy was organizing it and so no one bothered to tell me what was going on until the day before. Graham had booked annual leave and had to cancel it, and we only just managed to get suitable cases. Then one of the idiots taking the exam decided he was going to cut up too high, and we had to perform some magic trying to cover the stitching under the bloke’s collar once he was dressed ready to be presented to his family.’
‘Well, Professor Twigworth isn’t organizing it this time, I am; and that’s why I’m here. To make sure that you know exactly what’s going on.’
‘And we got no thanks. Not so much as a “kiss my arse”.’
Ed smiled. ‘I think you know me better than that, Clive.’ Times like these felt weird. Clive was the Mortuary Manager, but Ed the Head of Pathology. It was like Ed was trying to pacify Clive, just for an easy life. Whatever it was, it was working.
Clive still looked a little unhappy but didn’t keep on, asking instead, ‘When is this?’
‘Two weeks tomorrow. I’ll let you know the details of the candidates when I get them. I haven’t finalized the timetable, but I should think they’ll turn up down here just before nine and we should be finished in the PM room by one thirty in the afternoon.’
Clive had done this kind of thing plenty of times before and gave us the low-down after Ed had gone. ‘Actually, it can be quite good fun,’ he said. ‘Poor buggers are so nervous, most of the time they can’t even speak properly.’
Maddie said, ‘I hope you’re not nasty to them.’
Clive was actually quite offended. ‘Of course I’m not. The mortuary staff are supposed to be helpful and courteous at all times, and we always are. We always tell them where all the protective equipment is, give them a full set of instruments, and open the head for them, as we’re supposed to. I know that some places deliberately give them difficult cases to work on, like large or rotting bodies, and make them use crap, blunt, outdated instruments, or make the opening in the skull too small, but not here. We’re professionals. No matter what we think, we keep it to ourselves on examination days.’
I knew Clive quite well by then and could tell that he had only told half the story. ‘But . . ?’ I encouraged him to carry on.
He grinned and shrugged. ‘Nothing wrong with a bit of light entertainment to make things go with a swing, is there?’
We were playing host to