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very little. It could be a Wickersham looking to start his own banana farm or Vlad hoping to expand his “business.” The crucial feature is the maxim. Accordingly, if the proposed action is to be universalized, then we have: whenever a person (you, a Wickersham Cousin, Vlad) is in need of money, he or she should make a lying promise to secure the desired funds. It’s pretty clear that this maxim has contradictory or self-defeating results. Dishonesty only achieves its intended goal in a culture that presumes truth-telling. Were everyone to make lying promises whenever in need of money, then people would cease to lend money. So, if everyone were to act as you intend, you couldn’t secure any funds, which entails that no reasonable or rational person could accept its implicit maxim. You would not be willing that everyone obtain a loan in the way you intend. So, if you proceed, you are making an exception for yourself that you are not willing to allow others, even though they are in your exact circumstances.

Sometimes the contradictory or self-defeating nature of the maxim lies in its intention. Consider the prospect of shirking your civil obligations. Perhaps you don’t wish to pay your taxes. Perhaps a bit like Jo-Jo (the young twerp), you do not wish to engage in civic responsibility simply because you don’t feel like it. According to Kant, it’s not the prospect of the Whos being dunked in hot Beezle-Nut oil that makes Jo-Jo’s choice impermissible, it is simply that such a maxim cannot be universalized. Consider that if everyone were to act in your mindless “Jo-Jo yo-yo bouncing fashion,” then society would no longer function smoothly. After all, no one really likes serving jury duty, not to mention paying taxes. But, presumably, the whole idea behind your intention—shirking your civic responsibilities—is to benefit from everyone else’s conscientious efforts. They will keep society running smoothly, while you laze around as an anonymous freeloader. But if everyone were to act as you, then society would break down, thereby contravening your initial intention. You wouldn’t benefit at all but rather place yourself in great peril (Beezle-Nut oil or no). Thus, your maxim has contradictory or self-defeating consequences; no rational person could reasonably accept that everyone act on it. You intend to grant yourself an exception you would not be willing to allow others were they in your situation.

Clearly, Mayzie provides Horton a promise that she has no intention of keeping. She tells him that she will return shortly, but she fully intends to take a long vacation in Palm Beach. She was gone for fifty-one weeks, and only met up with Horton and her egg again via crazy, random happenstance. If everyone made lying promises to their neighbors because they were bored and tired of upholding their personal responsibilities (which includes raising children), no one would believe anyone and society would crumble. In this way, Mayzie’s proposed maxim suffers the ill effects of both the “lying promise to secure funds” and “social freeloader” examples. Because Mayzie knowingly enacts a maxim that cannot reasonably be universalized, she acts impermissibly. She makes an exception for herself that she could not willingly afford others. Were she so willing, it would be impossible for her to secure her selfish goal.

An Elephant Is Faithful . . . One-Hundred Percent [?]

Dr. Seuss thus clearly sides with Kant on the importance of promise keeping and honesty generally. Kant, in fact, believes that you should always be honest—that is, faithful to your word—regardless of any seemingly negative consequences. Moreover, Kant believes our moral obligations hold without exception, making him a moral absolutist. Because we have a moral duty to tell the truth (as the opposing maxim fails the universalization test), it follows that there are no circumstances in which we may permissibly break our word or practice dishonesty. This remains so even if our proposed dishonesty has no other goal than protecting innocent persons. In “On a Supposed Right to Lie from