DragonKnight - Donita K. Paul [13]
Turning away from the taunting Wizards’ Plume, Bardon focused on his thoughts. He had too many questions about the design behind this latest turn of events.
If this is a test, what is being tested? Can I exhibit noble instincts when my teachers are not around? Or perhaps this is a test of discernment. Should I recognize this to be an irrational endeavor and avoid it?
Pardon me, Wulder, I mean no disrespect. I’m just frustrated. I’m willing to do whatever You demand of me, but I’m not certain escorting these women to some unknown destination in the Northern Reach is really Your plan.
You know what I’m thinking and even what I am trying not to think. He sighed and thrust his fists deep into his pockets. Looking up, he admired the beautiful starlit sky but avoided looking at the southwestern firmament. Wulder deserved a servant who knew what he was doing.
I want this to be from Your hand. The truth is I’m excited to go on an adventure rather than spend hours upon hours pondering life’s choices. In spite of all the noise I’ve made about this time alone…
He strolled over to the sleeping dragon. Greer snored, ruffling the blades of grass in front of his chin. His breath smelled distinctly of fish. Bardon wrinkled his nose, moved to the back of the dragon’s neck, and folded his body to sit on the lawn. He rested against Greer’s shoulder. The animal didn’t even flinch. Bardon crossed his arms over his chest, noticing that the wrestling match with the writher snake had left him sore.
Tonight he wrestled with a weightier problem.
Wulder, I’m trying to be honest with myself here. You know I was much better practicing weaponry than sitting in chapel. I sat there looking attentive, but I longed for sword practice and archery. I enjoyed digging through the library and putting together a paper much more than listening to a lecture by one of the scribes. I’m more comfortable doing. Physical doing. Intellectual doing. Grand Dost said it was because when I was idle, I delved into my deeper consciousness and that was abhorrent to me. He said that was just why I needed the sabbatical more than the others.
Yes! I would rather go on this quest than stay here and face my own ponderings about my future.
He closed his eyes but still did not relax.
And I shall not discount a definite feeling of pride in thinking You have chosen me to do this impossible task. But have You chosen me? Am I willing to do this because I want to be a hero, or because I want to be a servant?
Bardon chuckled. He leaned his head back against Greer’s leathery hide and grinned. He remembered how shocked he had been when Dar announced over a campfire that doing a righteous deed for a wrong reason was not such a bad thing. The two of them had gone to great lengths to track down a widow’s foolish son and deliver him home. They didn’t do it for a noble reason. They’d done it because his mother was such a pest, constantly accosting them as they rode past her cottage. Eventually, they took a different route to avoid her. Then she had shown up at court to petition aid.
“You see, young Squire,” Sir Dar had said as he stirred a pot of magrattin soup, “when we came across the boy, he was tired of his reckless living and really wanted an excuse to go home. We obliged. Now he’s accepted his role in life. His mother is happy, no longer lonely. I foresee this young man becoming a good farmer and contributing to the community. And it is all because we went out to do the right thing for the wrong reason.”
That had been two summers before, and the young squire had seen on numerous occasions his mentor do the right thing with no proper motivation.
“Wulder is pleased,” Sir Dar had said, “when you do the right thing even without the inspiration of a noble purpose. Intellectually, you recognize the righteous rationale. You have the good sense to do the good deed, even if your heart, full of folly, has claimed a less noble basis for action. I doubt that you get the abundant reward that Wulder would have bestowed on you for the same action done with a pure heart. Nonetheless, I’m sure