Dragons of Spring Dawning - Margaret Weis [18]
The haunted look in Caramon’s eyes pierced his heart as the big man staggered past him, carrying his brother. Raistlin’s golden eyes swept over him like flame, burning his soul. Then they were past him, stumbling with the others into the small cabin that shivered and rocked, tossing them about like rag dolls.
Tanis waited until everyone was safely inside the tiny cabin, then he slumped against the wooden door, unable to turn around, unable to face them. He had seen the haunted look in Caramon’s eyes as the big man staggered past, he had seen the exultant gleam in Raistlin’s eyes. He heard Goldmoon weeping quietly and he wished he might die on this spot before he had to face her.
But that was not to be. Slowly he turned around. Riverwind stood next to Goldmoon, his face dark and brooding as he braced himself between ceiling and deck. Tika bit her lip, tears sliding down her cheeks. Tanis stayed by the door, his back against it, staring at his friends mutely. For long moments, no one said a word. All that could be heard was the storm, the waves crashing onto the deck. Water trickled down on them. They were wet and cold and shaking with fear and sorrow and shock.
“I—I’m sorry,” Tanis began, licking his salt-coated lips. His throat hurt, he could barely speak. “I—I wanted to tell you—”
“So that’s where you were these four days,” Caramon said in a soft, low voice. “With our sister. Our sister, the Dragon Highlord!”
Tanis hung his head. The ship listed beneath his feet, sending him staggering into Maquesta’s desk, which was bolted to the floor. He caught himself and slowly pushed himself back to face them. The half-elf had endured much pain in his life, pain of prejudice, pain of loss, pain of knives, arrows, swords. But he did not think he could endure this pain. The look of betrayal in their eyes ran straight through his soul.
“Please, you must believe me …” What a stupid thing to say! he thought savagely. Why should they believe me! I’ve done nothing but lie to them ever since I returned. “All right,” he began again, “I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, but at least listen to me! I was walking through Flotsam when an elf attacked me. Seeing me in this get-up”—Tanis gestured at his dragonarmor—“he thought I was a dragon officer. Kitiara saved my life, then she recognized me. She thought I had joined the dragonarmy! What could I say? She”—Tanis swallowed and wiped his hand across his face, “she took me back to the inn and … and …” He choked, unable to continue.
“And you spent four days and nights in the loving embrace of a Dragon Highlord!” Caramon said, his voice rising in fury. Lurching to his feet, he stabbed an accusing finger at Tanis. “Then after four days, you needed a little rest! So you remembered us and you came calling to make certain we were still waiting for you! And we were! Just like the bunch of trusting lame-brains—”
“All right, so I was with Kitiara!” Tanis shouted, suddenly angry. “Yes, I loved her! I don’t expect you to understand, any of you! But I never betrayed you! I swear by the gods! When she left for Solamnia, it was the first chance I had to escape and I took it. A draconian followed me, apparently under Kit’s orders. I may be a fool. But I’m not a traitor!”
“Pah!” Raistlin spit on the floor.
“Listen, mage!” Tanis snarled. “If I had betrayed you, why was she so shocked to see you two, her brothers! If I had betrayed you, why didn’t I just send a few draconians to the inn to pick you up? I could have, any time. I could have sent them to pick up Berem, too. He’s the one she wants. He’s the one the draconians are searching for in Flotsam! I knew he was on this ship. Kitiara offered me the rulership of Krynn if I’d tell her. That’s how important he is. All I would’ve had to do was lead Kit to him and the Queen of Darkness herself would have rewarded me!”
“Don’t tell us you didn’t consider it!” Raistlin hissed.
Tanis opened his mouth, then fell silent. He knew his guilt was as plain on his face as the