Dude, Where's My Country_ - Michael Moore [73]
YES, AMERICANS ARE SOCIALISTS AND THEY WANT SOCIALIZED MEDICINE! Why? Because they get sick! Who doesn’t get sick—and who doesn’t want to get better? C’mon, this one’s a no-brainer. So many millions by now have seen their life savings go up in smoke because of one accident or one horrible illness. They don’t give a damn what it costs at this point. They just want it fixed. As the baby boomers’ joints start to ache with arthritis and they lose a testicle or two, watch how quick we get universal health care. The only reason we don’t have it already is that the politicians who oppose it are all covered 100 percent by very generous health plans. They’ve rarely paid a doctor bill in their lives and they don’t intend to have you stop paying your bills now. Nothing seems crueler—or more ironic—than these upper crusters who never pay a dime for their high-priced shrinks or reflexology sessions to call those who just want that tumor removed from their uterus a bunch of commies. Well, the revolution is at hand and let’s hope all those uninsured commies give the rich such a headache that a whole bottle of Advil won’t be enough to take away the pain.
Sixty-two percent of the people you share this country with support changing current laws so that fewer nonviolent offenders are sent to prison. That’s right, they want criminals roaming the streets! Eighty percent want more community service for those who break the law and 76 percent believe that offenders would do better being on the outside making restitution to their victims than by being locked away. Seventy-four percent prefer treatment and probation for nonviolent drug users.
AMERICANS ARE SOFT ON CRIME! They are a bunch of bleeding hearts! And they are dopers themselves! Ninety-four million Americans have used illegal drugs at least once in their lives. No wonder they want to let the potheads run amok!
Eighty-five percent of Americans support equal opportunity in the workplace for gays and lesbians. And 68 percent want laws enacted to punish anyone who would discriminate against homosexual employees. Seventy-three percent support hate crime laws and banning discrimination in housing. Half now say that gay and lesbian couples should receive the same benefits enjoyed by married couples, and 68 percent think gay couples should be entitled to Social Security benefits while 70 percent support employee-sponsored health insurance coverage for gay spouses. And half of us have no problem with gay and lesbian couples adopting children.
AMERICANS ARE A BUNCH OF LIMP-WRISTED PANSY-LOVERS! The country has gone to the fags! The U.S. Supreme Court has just legalized sex between consenting homosexuals. What’s next—gay priests?! How are we going to get all macho for the next war if our men have all gone soft on the soft men? Not everybody can have David Crosby’s baby!
According to a 2002 Gallup Poll, 58 percent thought labor unions were a good idea. An AFL-CIO poll put union approval ratings at 56 percent and even a fair and balanced poll from Fox News (Oops! Don’t sue me! No, sue me!) showed that half the country had a favorable impression of unions (while only 32 percent were opposed). With only 13.2 percent of the country’s workers belonging to a union, all this extra support must be coming from half of the non-union workers who would join one if given the choice. On top of all that, 72 percent believe that Washington gives too little consideration to working Americans.
The average working American has come to completely distrust Corporate America: Eighty-eight percent have little to no trust in corporate executives; 68 percent think these executives are less honest and trustworthy