Dude, Where's My Country_ - Michael Moore [81]
• SUVs are not inherently evil; the fact that they use so much gas, that they are constructed to be killer machines, and that yuppie weasels drive them in urban areas is evil. Mostly SUVs are just horribly uncomfortable and the ride is too bumpy.
• Getting back to nature is a dumb idea. Nature doesn’t want you anywhere near it. That’s why nature created cities—to keep you as far away as possible!
• Bill O’Reilly makes a few good points. He’s against the death penalty, he’s an advocate for kids, and he opposes NAFTA. Okay, he’s still a jerk, but even a jerk can be right some of the time.
• Too many of us hold a hoity-toity view of religion and think the religious are superstitious fifteenth-century ignoramuses. We’re wrong, and they have as much a right to their religion as those among us who have no religion. This arrogance is a big reason the lower classes will always side with the Republicans.
• We have a namby-pamby way of saying things. It’s like we invented our own language—and it annoys the hell out of anyone we’re trying to get to listen to us. Knock off the PC mumbo jumbo, quit trying to be so sensitive and just say what is on your mind. Less wimp and more OOMPH!
• Why are you still bitching about right-wing author Ann Coulter? Sure, she’s as crazy as a loon, but she’s got more balls than the entire Democratic Leadership Council. You’re just jealous because we don’t have an Ann Coulter. And stop looking at her damn legs! That’s why she’s got you so jumbled up!
• The proposed “Liberal Radio Network?” What a stupid waste of time. Radio? Are you serious? What century are you in? Gee, why stop there—let’s set up a Liberal Pony Express! How about a Liberal Morse Code? S-O-S! Get into the twenty-first century! Get a TV network. Get an Internet network. Get Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent to run for office!
• Animals don’t have rights. Yes, they should be treated “humanely.” Yes, Tyson Foods and all the others that “harvest” chickens are disgusting. But “freeing” chickens from their factory farms is idiotic. They don’t know how to survive in the wild and they’re just going to get hit by a truck. And lay off carrying on about the milk, no matter how bad it is for you. You just look like a dumbass if you go on national TV, like PETA does, to argue that beer is better for the body than milk. This shit just makes me wanna go kick my dog.
• Nixon was more liberal than the last five presidents we’ve had. His administration opened up a dialogue with China. He was instrumental in establishing affirmative action in hiring and protecting the rights of women. He was the first president to sign agreements on nuclear weapons control. Nixon was responsible for the 1970 Clean Air Act and created the Department of Natural Resources and the Environmental Protection Agency. He gave us Title IX to force tax monies to go to women’s sports. He also attempted a type of welfare reform that would have guaranteed an income for the poor. Nixon still should have been run out of office, and the millions of dead in Southeast Asia will haunt him throughout eternity. But to think that he was the last “liberal” in office just makes me want to puke.
After admitting that you’re not always right, you will find your conservative friend a lot less defensive and more willing to listen. Then it’s time to make the case for why he or she should consider looking at things in a different light. The most important thing is to NEVER make the “moral” argument about why the Pentagon should get less money or why a sick child deserves to see a doctor. We have tried those arguments for ages and they don’t work with conservatives. So save your breath and keep in mind that it’s all about THEM. Begin every point with this one sentence: “I want you to make more MONEY!” Then take a stab at discussing the issues with them, using the following statements:
“Paying workers more money makes you money!”
Dear brother-in-law, when you don’t pay people enough for them to take care of life’s essentials, it ends up costing