Dweller - Jeff Strand [43]
He wasn’t sure if he should tell Melissa the true story before or after sex. Probably after. She’d be more relaxed.
“There’s something I need to tell you about Owen,” he said, kissing her neck afterward.
“He doesn’t exist?”
“No, he exists. He’s just not what I told you he was.”
“He’s a ghost?”
“I’m being serious. Owen is…he’s sort of like a pet, except that I don’t own him or anything like that. He isn’t a person. I don’t know exactly what he is, but he doesn’t live in a cabin, he lives in a cave, and he doesn’t leave the woods because he’s a…I don’t know, I tend to think of him as a ‘monster,’ but that’s not a good way to describe him. He’s an animal.”
“What?”
Toby sat up. He knew this conversation was going to be awkward. “Owen is a big hairy creature with claws and fangs. He can’t talk except for saying my name, but we can communicate through hand signals, sort of like sign language except that we made it up.”
Melissa pulled the sheet up over her chest. “Your friend is a big hairy forest creature?”
“Yeah. Sort of. No, not sort of, it’s completely accurate. Yeah.”
“Is this a joke?”
“Is it funny?”
“No.”
“That’s because it’s not a joke.”
“So, what, you befriended a talking bear? Come on, Toby, you told me you’ve been spending time with your disfigured childhood friend. What the hell kind of conversation are we having? Did you start smoking pot? If you started smoking pot without me, I swear I’ll rip your heart out.”
“No, I’m telling you the truth.” He got out of bed and pulled on his underwear. “I know how it sounds, and you probably think I’m totally weird and creepy, but when you meet Owen you’ll understand.” He picked his blue jeans off the floor and took a folded Polaroid out of the back pocket. “I didn’t expect you to believe me right away, so here’s a picture.”
Melissa took the photograph from him. “Holy shit, Toby! What is that thing? Is that a mask?”
“No. It’s real.”
“Fuck you. You are not friends with that thing.”
“I am. I swear.”
“Come on, Toby, end the joke. There is nothing about this that I believe. If you’ve been cheating on me, just fess up to it instead of making us both look like idiots.”
“I’m not cheating on you. I lost my virginity at twenty-eight—do you think I have a lot of opportunities?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“What?”
“Are you saying I’m ugly?”
“Huh? No. No, that’s not what I meant at all. It was just a joke.”
“This seems to be the day for failed jokes. Well, Toby, I’m sorry that your love life sucks. Hopefully in another twenty-eight years you’ll find a nonrepulsive person to have sex with.”
“That’s not what I meant! What the fuck? This discussion isn’t about anything like that! I’m trying to unload a gigantic bombshell about my monster friend!”
“You should leave.”
Toby had expected that the conversation might spiral out of control, but not in this particular manner. “No! Get dressed! We’re going out to see Owen. He’s a big scary monster and you need to meet him. He’s real. We haven’t been dating that long in the grand scheme of things, but we’ve been together long enough that you know I’m just not going to take you out into the woods and have a friend jump out at you with a monster mask, right?”
“Do you love me?”
“Okay, listen, I refuse to let this turn into an argument about the state of our relationship. I refuse. You hear that? Complete and total refusal. The only thing we should be discussing is the lie I’ve been telling you about my grotesquely burned friend! By telling you the truth, I’m trying to take our relationship to the next level, so I guess the answer to your question is yes, I do love you, but that’s not what the fuck we’re supposed to be talking about right now, okay?”
“Why couldn’t you tell me you loved me before?”
“Okay, you know what, I’m going to hang myself. I’m going