Elephant Man - Christine Sparks [111]
“I’m an actress, Mr. Treves. If you can keep the secret, I can.”
The choice of the two nurses to accompany him on his expedition to the theater was left up to Merrick. As Treves had expected, he asked for Nora at once. The other choice, Treves had half believed would fall on Nurse Kathleen, who was a pretty girl and much easier in Merrick’s presence these days. But to the doctor’s pleasure Merrick unhesitatingly picked Mothershead.
“She is my friend,” he said with shining eyes. “And besides, Mrs. Mothershead is always so busy—I don’t suppose she ever gets an evening out.”
Since it hadn’t even occurred to Treves to wonder if Mothershead ever got an evening out, this effectively silenced him.
With unerring instinct, Mrs. Kendal had selected the pantomime “Puss in Boots.” Intelligent as Merrick was, his uneducated emotions were frequently those of a child. Apart from the thinnest veneer, which his contact with society had given him, he lacked sophistication, and Treves felt entirely satisfied that the dazzling lights, bright colors and simple plot of the fairy tale were calculated to bring him the most pleasure.
Now no trouble was spared that might increase Merrick’s enjoyment. He was to have his outing dressed in elegant evening clothes, provided out of hospital funds, specially authorized by Carr-Gomm. On the evening of the performance Treves went early to Merrick’s rooms to help him with the finer points of dressing. He was himself clad in evening rig and arrived just as Merrick was holding up a black bow tie, a puzzled look in his eyes.
“Let me fix that for you,” said Treves.
When he finished he stood back to admire his handiwork.
“How do I look?” said Merrick.
The shapeless clothes, necessarily ill-fitting, hung ludicrously on him, seeming the more outlandish for their new, freshly tailored appearance. But Treves saw none of this. He had long ago forgotten how to look.
“You won’t appear out of place, John,” he assured him, meaning it.
“Splendid. Shall we go?”
“We still have time yet. John …” Treves stopped. Several times since Merrick’s return he had got as far as this and been unable to go on. This time he forced himself to. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what I allowed to happen to you. I had no idea. I was blind.”
“Please …” Merrick put out a timid hand to touch him. “You must not blame yourself, my friend. How could you be expected to know? You have so much to think about here, so much responsibility, so many lives in your hands. I would be frightened to be you.”
“But John …” Treves could not bear to be let off so lightly. He felt that every forgiving word that Merrick uttered was another load for himself to carry. But in a firm voice Merrick interrupted him, something he had almost never ventured to do before.
“No, Mr. Treves. You must not worry about me. I am happy every hour of the day.” His eyes smiled as he repeated the words he had once uttered before, as though he would have taken Treves back to those happier times and wiped out everything that had occurred since. “My life is full, but if it had to end tomorrow I would have no regrets, because I know I am loved. I have gained myself … and I could not say that but for you.”
Treves was silent. He realized he must accept this and endure the hardship of being judged far more generously than he felt he deserved. Except that he knew that judging him was far from Merrick’s mind.
“Thank you, John,” he said at last. “And you’ve done so much for me.”
He thought: You’ve rescued the human being who was in danger of being submerged in the doctor. But he could not say this. Merrick would not have understood.
To cover the moment’s awkwardness Treves gave his own bow tie an extra tweak, wishing that there was a mirror to look in. When he spoke again it was in a light-hearted voice.
“Well—I’ll fetch Mrs. Mothershead and Nora, and we’ll wait for you in the hall.”
“Very good, my friend,” said Merrick.
As soon as Treves had left him he turned