Empress Orchid - Anchee Min [41]
To day I was bored even before I got out of bed.
“Did my lady have a good night’s sleep?” An-te-hai’s voice came from the courtyard.
I sat on the bed and didn’t bother to answer.
“Good morning!” The eunuch stepped in with a sweet smile. “Your slaves are ready to attend your wash, my lady.”
My morning wash was an event. Before I got out of bed, the eunuchs and maids made a parade of dresses. I had to pick one among three dozen. So many fine dresses, although half of them were not to my taste.
Then I had to pick out shoes and hats and jewelry. After I got out of bed I went to a room to use the chamber pot. I was followed by six maids. It was no use that I demanded to be left alone. These people were trained by Chief Eunuch Shim to be deaf and mute in situations like this.
It was a large room without furniture. A finely carved and painted yellow pot was placed in the center. It looked like a big pumpkin. Small lanterns stood in the corners of the room. The walls were draped with curtains, which were embroidered with blue and white flowers.
I was in a hurry but couldn’t let myself go. There was no window to let out the odor. The maids stood around me, staring. I told them again and again to leave me alone, but they refused. They begged me to let them serve. One of them held a wet towel to wipe me afterward, another carried a dish of soap, the third one a handful of silk paper on a tray, the fourth one a silver basin. The last two each carried a bucket filled with water, one hot and the other cold.
“Leave your stuff on the floor,” I said. “You are dismissed.”
Everyone murmured “Yes, my lady,” but no one moved.
I raised my voice. “I am going to stink.”
“No, you don’t stink,” they replied in unison.
“Do me a favor!” I shouted. “Out!”
“We don’t mind. We love your stink.”
“An-te-hai!”
An-te-hai rushed in. “Yes, my lady.”
“Call Chief Eunuch Shim immediately and tell him that my servants are not obeying me.”
“It won’t work, my lady.” An-te-hai put his hands together to form a tube as he whispered into my ear. “I am afraid Chief Eunuch Shim wouldn’t do anything about this.”
“Why?”
“It is the rule that the Emperor’s wives be served this way.”
“Whoever invented the rule must be an idiot.”
“Oh, no, my lady, don’t ever say that!” An-te-hai was shocked. “It was Her Majesty the Grand Empress who invented the rules!”
I pictured the Grand Empress sitting on her chamber pot, attended by a roomful of maids. “She must think that her shit is diamonds and her farts perfume. Does Her Majesty have rules about the size, shape, length, color and odor of stools?”
“Please, my lady.” An-te-hai became nervous. “You want to bring no trouble to yourself and me.”
“Trouble? All I want is to be able to shit by myself!”
“It is not about shitting, my lady,” An-te-hai murmured, as if his mouth was stuffed with food.
“What it is about, then?”
“It is about grace, my lady.”
“Grace? How can anyone shit gracefully?”
Getting my face made, my hair oiled and combed and my dress put on and tightened around my waist, only to be taken off in the afternoon, became not only boring but also tiring. The eunuchs and ladies in waiting held trays and marched back and forth in front of me with dresses, underwear, accessories, ornaments, belts and hairpins. I couldn’t wait for the ritual to be over. I would have preferred to have them tell me where these things were and pick them out myself. But I was not entitled to change the rules. I started to see that the Imperial life was about nothing but elaborate detail. My biggest problem was patience.
An-te-hai kept me company when my hair was being done. He amused me with stories and jokes. He stood behind me as I sat facing the mirror.
First the hairdresser smoothed my hair with scented water. Then he oiled it with mountain sunflower extract. After combing it through, he coiled it up. He tried to fashion it into the shape of a swan on this particular morning.
The process annoyed me