England's Mistress_ The Infamous Life of Emma Hamilton - Kate Williams [144]
On December 26, they returned to a bleak London. Nelson went back to Dover Street, where Fanny awaited him. Emma could not give birth in 22 Grosvenor Square, for it was not their own house but Beckford's, so Sir William quickly rented a large and handsome town house in the prime location of 23 Piccadilly, facing Green Park. Emma was still just about able to get around, and they began to pack their belongings. Their old friend Louis Dutens, acting as their de facto assistant, took charge of furnishings. He worried that there were not enough beds for the eight servants, arranged to dye the dining room curtains, and wrote that he would move her bed from the room facing north to “be placed in that fronting the South, looking onto the Park.” The bed had presumably been in the room adjoining Sir William's chamber, and she wished to give birth in a room farther from him.6
On January 1, Nelson's promotion to vice admiral was confirmed and he prepared to receive new orders to go to sea. Emma tried to be pleased for him, but she was miserable that he would not be with her for the birth, and perhaps would not return for a year. The promotion prompted Fanny to make an ultimatum. She could no longer bear the humiliation of her position, and she dreaded Nelson returning to sea with the situation unresolved. She begged him to tell her if he had ever mistrusted her or doubted her fidelity, covertly implying to Nelson that he might doubt Emma's ability to be loyal to him while he was away. She declared she was weary of “dear Lady Hamilton, and am resolved that you shall give up either her or me.” Nelson was livid that Fanny had dared tell him what to do. He chose Emma and decided to take steps to formalize his separation from his wife. That same night, he left for Plymouth to embark on his ship, the San Josef Fanny had lost Nelson for good. He never saw her again.
CHAPTER 39
A Pledge of Love
As the Morning Post joked, Lady Hamilton had arrived in London C_/ £ in the "nick of time."1 With only a month of her pregnancy to go, Emma was big and uncomfortable in her new home. Carrying a baby was much more difficult than when she was seventeen, and, like many women at that time, she was afraid of dying in childbirth. Only a few years later, Mary Shelley died in agony after a doctor tore out her undelivered placenta with his bare hands. Mrs. Cadogan cared for Emma and told inquisitive visitors and journalists that she was in bed with a cold. The doctor came secretly to escape the attention of the press. Amid the confusion, Nileus hurtled off into the park. Emma frantically advertised for her dog in the newspapers, offering a lavish reward, but he was never found.2
Nelson arranged to sell Roundwood, his home with Fanny. Unlike many men, who left their wives no property or money on separation, he gave Fanny half his income, the equivalent now of about $120,000 a year. Although taking half his income signified their separation, Fanny refused to be beaten. On receiving her first payment on January 13, 1801, she wrote warmly to thank the "man whose affection constitutes my happiness." When she heard that Nelson was ill with eye pain, and knowing that Emma was in no fit state to travel, she offered to come and comfort him. Enraged, Nelson replied, "Whether I am blind or not, it is nothing to any person, I want neither nursing nor attention, and had you come here, I should not have gone on shore nor would you have come afloat. I fixed as I thought a proper allowance to enable you to remain quiet."3 He wrote to Emma that he had sent such a stinging rebuff that he worried "you will think I have gone too far," begging her not to be angry at the strength of the letter.4 Fanny continued to promote herself as the perfect wife to Nelson's friends. She had already implied to him that Emma would be unable to endure the prolonged separation and would find fresh company elsewhere, and she hoped fervently this would come true.
Nelson wrote regularly to Emma,