England's Mistress_ The Infamous Life of Emma Hamilton - Kate Williams [166]
In the summer, Emma's old friend Jane Powell begged her to visit Southend, where she was playing at the local theater: "Your absence is regretted by all ranks of people. Would to Heaven you were here to enliven this present dull scene." Everyone wanted to meet her, but Emma had lost interest in socializing. On September 6, she commemorated her wedding to "that dearest and best of men." "This day am I at South End forlorn & alone my Husband to a better world, Nelson our friend gone out to save his Country oh Great God protect him for all our sakes prays the hapless Comfortless Emma Hamilton."2
After years in the limelight, Emma had wearied of press attention. Despite frequent bathing, she was suffering from blisters on the neck and stomach, digestive problems, and headaches. When she read the newspaper gossip that she and Mrs. Billington were singing regularly for the Duke of Queensberry at Clarges Street, she issued a disclaimer in the Post asserting she had been "very unwell and does not see any company"3 Feeling lost without Nelson, she begged him to allow her to come out to live with him on ship, but he told her it was impossible.
At Christmas she packed her house with guests in a vain attempt to forget that she was without her lover. In his chilly cabin on the Mediterranean, Nelson was missing Emma and Horatia. "She must be grown so much," he wrote. "How I long to hear her prattle."4 In January, his Christmas package of presents and letters finally arrived for Emma. To Horatia he sent a doting note thanking her for her letter and her present of "a lock of your beautiful hair," and enclosing some of his own hair and £1 to buy a locket to hold it. He promised her a watch, adding, "I am glad to hear that you are so good and mind everything that your Governess and Lady Hamilton tell you."5 Brimming with anticipation of being a father once more, Nelson wrote to Emma, "Kiss dear Horatia for me, and the other." He confessed he had "been so uneasy for this last month, desiring, most ardently, to hear of your well doing." "I shall make you a Duchesss; and if it pleases God that time may arrive!" he exulted. "What changes]" Emma had been pondering names. Nelson replied, "Call him what you please, if a girl, Emma."
Nelson encouraged Emma to move to Merton for her final weeks of pregnancy. He knew there had been gossip about Emma's condition, and he dreaded a repetition of the press frenzy about her "embonpoint." "You will live much more comfortable and much cheaper than in London," he wrote. "If you like to have the house altered, you can do it."6 Although Nelson directed her to keep the architect to his estimate, he urgently expected the "new room built, the grounds laid out neatly but not expensively, new Piccadilly gates, kitchen garden, &c." He instructed her "not to pay from the income," ordering her to keep account of how much she had paid for improvements, and give him the bills. He had no idea of the cost of materials and workmen. Emma lied that the alterations were cheaper than they were and paid the surplus with credit.
Soon, Emma was in no state to be thinking of home improvements. She retired to Clarges Street and by mid-January was in the final stages of a complicated pregnancy. After a difficult labor, she gave birth to a girl. At nearly forty, she was exhausted and ill for three weeks afterward, and at least one doctor was in regular attendance. The child was also weak. Too feeble to be given to Mrs. Gibson to take to Marylebone, as Emma had intended, baby Emma sickened at home. In Titchfield Street, Horatia also fell ill, possibly with smallpox. Emma believed she might lose both her daughters.
Some six weeks later, little Emma died. Emma had to ensure news of the death did not leak out, while trying to crush her grief. She could