England's Mistress_ The Infamous Life of Emma Hamilton - Kate Williams [174]
Emma received letters from Nelson on October 1, 7, and 13. Every day she longed for his return. If he defeated the French, the government would heap him with gratitude and money (after Waterloo, Wellington was given cash sums and awarded an estate worth nearly £300,000). Ministers might even assist him to get a divorce. Emma believed his promise that he would win and return to her, three times a victor.
The English fleet had been preparing to tackle the French fleet throughout the autumn. When Nelson arrived, he ordered the English captains to station their vessels outside the port of Cadiz, near Cape Trafalgar, off the coast of southern Spain, waiting for Admiral Villeneuve and his ships to emerge. When they heard that Villeneuve's fleet of thirty-three had left port, Nelson and his twenty-seven ships prepared to attack. There was plenty of time to prepare, for warships moved no faster than a stately walking pace. Now he was about to go into battle, Nelson had finally realized that he had not made adequate provision for Emma. On the morning of Monday, October 21, Nelson wrote a codicil to it in his pocketbook.
I leave Emma, Lady Hamilton, therefore, a Legacy to my King and Country, that they will give her an ample provision to maintain her rank in life. I also leave to the beneficence of my Country my adopted daughter, Horatia Nelson Thompson; and I desire She will use in future the name of Nelson only. These are the only favours I ask of my King and Country at this moment when I am going to fight their Battle.4
He had already written his final letters. He congratulated Horatia that "you are so very good a girl, and love my Dear Lady Hamilton, who most dearly loves you, give her a kiss from me."5 He promised Emma he loved her "as much as my own life; and, as my last writing before the battle will be to you, so I hope in God that I shall live to finish my letter after the Battle." All around him, men were packing his furniture and removing the pictures from the walls. The ship was being made ready for war.
Before battle, most ordinary men removed boots, heavy coats, and unnecessary jewelry and exchanged socks for silk stockings, to give the surgeon less trouble. Because snipers tried to pick off commanders, officers divested themselves of decorations. Nelson was determined to wear his stars, despite the concerns of his subordinates that he was making himself a target. His officers begged him to assume the traditional position of an admiral, on a ship toward the back of the fleet, ensuring relative safety and a good overall view of the battle. He refused, resolving to lead the attack from the front, resplendent on the Victory. Aware this was probably his last battle, he wanted to head it like a hero: swathed in glory, an inspiration to his men.
On November 6, Emma was in bed with a skin complaint and Susanna Bolton was visiting her. When they heard the sound of gunfire from the Tower of London (a signal that a battle had been won), Susanna wondered if it was "news from my brother." Emma thought there could not be a result so soon and it must be a victory elsewhere. Five minutes later a carriage arrived, and Captain Whitby from the Admiralty was shown in. Emma believed he was bringing her letters. As she later told Lady Foster:
He came in, and with a pale countenance and faint voice said, "We have gained a great Victory." "Never mind your victory," I said, "My letters— give me my letters"—Capt. Whitby was unable to speak—tears in his eyes and a deathly paleness over his face made me comprehend him. I believe I gave one scream and fell back, and for ten hours after I could neither speak nor shed a tear—days have passed on and I know not how they end or begin—nor how I am to bear my future existence.
She had to steel herself to tell little Horatia about her father's death. A week later, Lady Foster visited Emma in Clarges Street and found her weeping in bed with Nelson's letters strewn across the coverlet. "She had the appearance of a person stunned and scarcely as yet able to