Eona - Alison Goodman [33]
“You have my gratitude,” he continued. “For pulling me out of the killing rage. I know . . .” He paused, his dark eyes suddenly bleak. “I know everything that happened. Your courage and loyalty . . .”
“Everything?” I echoed. Did he know Kinra’s swords had tried to kill him?
He stared through me. “I can see every one of them. Every face.”
Ah. I was not the only one struggling with ghosts. Although I knew I should not ask about the soldiers in the courtyard, the shared horror of the morning and his pained gratitude made me bold again. I touched his arm.
“Did you kill those injured men, too?”
He stiffened, the vast chasm of rank once again between us. “That was a military decision, Lady Eona. Do not overstep your station.”
“Your father would not have done such a thing,” I said.
“You do not know what my father would or would not have done.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Ryko and the other guard turn from their preparations. But I could not leave it be; I wanted Kygo to be his father’s son.
“Did you kill them?” I asked again. “Tell me you did not.”
“Who are you to speak to your emperor like that? You are not my Naiso; I do not take advice or criticism from you,” he said coldly. “You are not even a true lord. Know your place, woman.”
For a moment, his dismissal robbed me of my voice. Then something seared through the bindings of duty and fear. Was it my own anger, or was it the last embers of Kinra’s ancient rage? I did not know and, suddenly, I did not care. All I knew was that it was strong and it was mine.
“I am the Ascendant Dragoneye,” I said through my teeth. “Whether I am lord or lady or neither, I am your only link to the dragons. Remember that.”
The truth of my words registered in the dark flare of his eyes.
He moved closer, using his height to crowd me. “I hope you can back up that claim,” he said. “There are many men and women depending on your power. Yet Ryko tells me you still cannot control it. That you destroyed a village and killed thirty-six people. Innocent people who could not fight back.”
“At least I did not do it deliberately,” I said, holding my ground. “At least I knew it was wrong.”
“I could not control it! You saw me. I did not know what I was doing.”
“I’m not talking about your killing rage,” I said doggedly. “I’m talking about those men left alive in the courtyard.”
I thought that he was going to strike me. Instead he stepped back, fists clenched by his sides. “I do not need another conscience, Lady Eona. Look to your own morality and stay out of mine.”
He strode across the yard to Ju-Long, the big dappled gray still tied to the stable rail. I watched as he ran his hand over the animal’s sweat-stained shoulder, his head bowed. Although anger still roared through me, something dank and sour joined it.
Disappointment.
“Lady Eona,” Ryko said.
I turned, stopping his approach. I could not face his anger, too.
He held out Kinra’s swords. “There is no place for another saddle-sheath on his Majesty’s horse,” he said belligerently. “Do you wish to carry your swords in a back-sheath?”
“No!” It was almost a shout. I took a deep breath, forcing moderation into my voice. “Carry them for me. Please.”
He gave a quick bow, his face shutting down. It was a servant’s face. “As you wish.”
The emperor led his horse out into the center of the stable yard and swung himself neatly into the saddle. He summoned the other guard.
“Tiron, assist Lady Eona on to Ju-Long. She does not have any saddle skills.”
My face burned. The last time he had seen me on a horse was the night of the palace coup—the same night he had found out I was not Lord Eon, but a girl. For a shamed moment, I remembered his scathing glance up and down my body, and his fury.
The emperor motioned me closer. “You will ride behind me. Use your knees to hold on, but try not to hinder Ju-Long’s movement.” A flick of his hand sent Tiron down on his knees beside the horse. The young guard blushed as I gathered up the full skirt. He politely looked away as I placed my foot into his waiting hands.
“Ready,