Eternal Rider - Larissa Ione [84]
Whoa. He was as subtle as tank. “Y-syes.”
“Self-defense?”
Her heart skittered in an erratic rhythm. “Yes.”
“Then stop punishing yourself and everyone else who does what they have to do.”
So easy for him to say. He’d had thousands of years to stop punishing himself. If he ever had. “How many people have you killed?”
“Tens of thousands. And not all in self-defense.” His eyes held her captive, when she would have stumbled backward. “Yeah, you’re shocked. I’m a warrior, Cara. So go ahead and look at me with contempt, but you’ll thank God that I’m there when the werewolf is at the door. Because I’ll kill it, and I’ll never regret it. You can sit back and be appalled, but at least you’ll be alive, your hands will be free of blood, and it’ll be because of me.”
He wheeled away, but she snagged his armored elbow. The leather was surprisingly soft, and she wondered how it was supposed to protect him. “Wait.”
His entire body went taut. “I live to serve,” he said sarcastically, and God, that was it, wasn’t it? No one had ever treated him as anything but a warrior, so how was he supposed to see himself as anything different?
“You’re right,” she admitted. “And I appreciate what you’re doing for me. I don’t mean to judge you, but I see more in you than a killing machine.”
“How nice for you,” he said. “But you’re wrong. I can’t afford to be anything else.”
Her heart bled for him, that he believed that about himself. “Yes, you can.”
He laughed, as if what she’d said was beyond ludicrous. “Are you going to give me life lessons? What the fuck does a human with the lifespan of a gnat know about a five-thousand year-old demon?”
“What is your problem?” She shot him an irritated glare. “Why do you have such contempt for humans?”
“They die.” He bit out the words viciously. “You love them, and then they die. That’s what’s going to happen to you, Cara. You’re going to die, and then I’m going to—” He snapped his mouth shut so hard she heard the crack of teeth.
“You’re going to what?” The question tangled on her tongue, because she wasn’t sure what she wanted to hear.
His gaze skipped away. “I’m going to go evil.”
His answer chafed, for some reason. Had she wanted him to say he’d be sad? Ridiculous. But… okay, yes, she did. She wanted someone to be sad she was dead. The mark on her chest buzzed as her anger sparked. Ares spun around again, but oh, hell, no. She wasn’t finished with him yet.
Impulsively, she shoved him. Hard. Right into the wall. “You do not get to walk away from me like that. Not again. This is my life we’re talking about. I’m not a delicate little flower, nor am I a child. I’m a woman with no family and stuck in a strange world, so even if you have to pretend to care whether I live or die, that’s what I want. And if I want to have sex, it’s not your place to tell me I can’t handle it. And—”
“Cara.”
“—How dare you discount my experience—”
“Cara.”
“What?”
Ares just stared at her in the silence. Slowly, she turned her head, heat blooming in her cheeks at the sight of Limos and Than watching her, both wide-eyed.
“Cara?”
Groaning, she turned back to Ares, her tirade coming back to her in crystal clarity. His eyes gestured to the floor. She looked. Ares’s feet weren’t on the ground. With a gasp, she looked up, and holy shit… she was holding him against the wall and off the floor. Releasing him, she leaped backward, and he dropped to his feet.
“I guess the agimortus does make you stronger.” His words were spoken with a certain grim approval.
“I don’t understand. You said it was killing me.”
“It is. But you’re drawing on Hal in the meantime.” There was a brittle silence. “And me.”
She frowned. “You?”
There was a resigned note in his voice that she didn’t understand. “When I’m close to you, it drains me. It’s why my armor goes soft. And why I can’t sense jack shit when you’re around.” He closed the distance between them, his hands coming down on her shoulders. “And why I feel things I shouldn’t.”
She swallowed against the