Every Man in his Humour [13]
EPICOENE: OR, THE SILENT WOMAN.................................489
EVERY MAN IN HIS HUMOUR (Anglicised Edition)....................559
GLOSSARY........................................................625
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BEN JONSON'S PLAYS
EVERY MAN IN HIS HUMOUR*
[footnote] *The earlier version of the comedy is here for the first time placed at the head of the plays. The later, superior, and more familiar Anglicised version, follows at the end of the volume.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
LORENZO SENIOR. PROSPERO. THORELLO. GIULIANO. LORENZO JUNIOR. STEPHANO. DOCTOR CLEMENT BOBADILLA. BIANCHA. HESPERIDA. PETO. MUSCO. COB. MATHEO. PISO. TIB.
ACT I
SCENE I. -- ENTER LORENZO DI PAZZI SENIOR, MUSCO.
LOR. SE. Now trust me, here's a goodly day toward. Musco, call up my son Lorenzo; bid him rise; tell him, I have some business to employ him in.
MUS. I will, sir, presently.
LOR. SE. But hear you, sirrah; If he be at study disturb him not.
MUS. Very good, sir. [EXIT MUSCO.
LOR. SE. How happy would I estimate myself, Could I by any means retire my son, >From one vain course of study he affects! He is a scholar (if a man may trust The liberal voice of double-tongued report) Of dear account, in all our 'Academies'. Yet this position must not breed in me A fast opinion that he cannot err. Myself was once a 'student', and indeed Fed with the self-same humour he is now, Dreaming on nought but idle 'Poetry'; But since, Experience hath awaked my spirits, [ENTER STEPHANO And reason taught them, how to comprehend The sovereign use of study. What, cousin Stephano! What news with you, that you are here so early?
STEP. Nothing: but e'en come to see how you do, uncle.
LOR. SE. That's kindly done; you are welcome, cousin.
STEP. Ay, I know that sir, I would not have come else: how doth my cousin, uncle?
LOR.SE. Oh, well, well, go in and see; I doubt he's scarce stirring yet.
STEP. Uncle, afore I go in, can you tell me an he have e'er a book of the sciences of hawking and hunting? I would fain borrow it.
LOR. SE. Why, I hope you will not a hawking now, will you?
STEP. No, wusse; but I'll practise against next year; I have bought me a hawk, and bells and all; I lack nothing but a book to keep it by.
LOR. SE. Oh, most ridiculous.
STEP. Nay, look you now, you are angry, uncle, why, you know, an a man have not skill in hawking and hunting now-a-days, I'll not give a rush for him; he is for no gentleman's company, and (by God's will) I scorn it, ay, so I do, to be a consort for every 'hum-drum'; hang them 'scroyles', there's nothing in them in the world, what do you talk on it? a gentleman must shew himself like a gentleman. Uncle, I pray you be not angry, I know what I have to do, I trow, I am no novice.
LOR. SE. Go to, you are a prodigal, and self-willed fool. Nay, never look at me, it's I that speak, Take't as you will, I'll not flatter you. What? have you not means enow to waste That which your friends have left you, but you must Go cast away your money on a Buzzard, And know not how to keep it when you have done? Oh, it's brave, this will make you a gentleman, Well, cousin, well, I see you are e'en past hope Of all reclaim; ay, so, now you are told on it, you look another way.
STEP. What would you have me do, trow?
LOR. What would I have you do? marry, Learn to be wise, and practise how to thrive, That I would have you do, and not to spend Your crowns on every one that humours you: I would not have you to intrude yourself In every gentleman's society, Till their affections or your own dessert, Do worthily invite you to the place. For he that's so respectless in his courses, Oft sells his reputation vile and cheap. Let not your carriage and behaviour taste Of affectation, lest while you pretend To make a blaze of gentry to the world A little puff of scorn extinguish it, And you be left like an unsavoury snuff, Whole property is only to offend. Cousin, lay by such superficial forms, And entertain a perfect real substance;