Every Man in his Humour [26]
lives upon the breach: I'll tell you, gentlemen, it was the first, but the best leaguer that ever I beheld with these eyes, except the taking in of Tortosa last year by the Genoways, but that (of all other) was the most fatal and dangerous exploit that ever I was ranged in, since I first bore arms before the face of the enemy, as I am a gentleman and a soldier.
STEP. So, I had as lief as an angel I could swear as well as that gentleman.
LOR. JU. Then you were a servitor at both, it seems.
BOB. O Lord, sir: by Phaeton, I was the first man that entered the breach, and had I not effected it with resolution, I had been slain if I had had a million of lives.
LOR. JU. Indeed, sir?
STEP. Nay, an you heard him discourse you would say so: how like you him?
BOB. I assure you (upon my salvation) 'tis true, and yourself shall confess.
PROS. You must bring him to the rack first.
BOB. Observe me judicially, sweet Signior: they had planted me a demi-culverin just in the mouth of the breach; now, sir, (as we were to ascend), their master gunner (a man of no mean skill and courage, you must think,) confronts me with his linstock ready to give fire; I spying his intendment, discharged my petronel in his bosom, and with this instrument, my poor rapier, ran violently upon the Moors that guarded the ordnance, and put them pell-mell to the sword.
PROS. To the sword? to the rapier, Signior.
LOR. JU. Oh, it was a good figure observed, sir: but did you all this, Signior, without hurting your blade?
BOB. Without any impeach on the earth: you shall perceive, sir, it is the most fortunate weapon that ever rid on a poor gentleman's thigh: shall I tell you, sir? you talk of Morglay, Excalibur, Durindana, or so: tut, I lend no credit to that is reported of them, I know the virtue of mine own, and therefore I dare the boldlier maintain it.
STEP. I marle whether it be a Toledo or no?
BOB. A most perfect Toledo, I assure you, Signior.
STEP. I have a countryman of his here.
MAT. Pray you let's see, sir: yes, faith, it is.
BOB. This a Toledo? pish!
STEP. Why do you pish, Signior?
BOB. A Fleming, by Phoebus! I'll buy them for a guilder a piece, an I'll have a thousand of them.
LOR. JU. How say you, cousin? I told you thus much.
PROS. Where bought you it, Signior?
STEP. Of a scurvy rogue soldier, a pox of God on him, he swore it was a Toledo.
BOB. A preovant rapier, no better.
MAT. Mass, I think it be indeed.
LOR. JU. Tut, now it's too late to look on it, put it up, put it up.
STEP. Well, I will not put it up, but by God's foot, an ever I meet him -
PROS. Oh, it is past remedy now, sir, you must have patience.
STEP. Whoreson, coney-catching rascal; oh, I could eat the very hilts for anger.
LOR. JU. A sign you have a good ostrich stomach, cousin.
STEP. A stomach? would I had him here, you should see an I had a stomach.
PROS. It's better as 'tis: come, gentlemen, shall we go?
LOR. JU. A miracle, cousin, look here, look here.
[ENTER MUSCO.
STEP. Oh, God's lid, by your leave, do you know me, sir?
MUS. Ay, sir, I know you by sight.
STEP. You sold me a rapier, did you not?
MUS. Yes, marry did I, sir.
STEP. You said it was a Toledo, ha?
MUS. True, I did so.
STEP. But it is none.
MUS. No, sir, I confess it, it is none.
STEP. Gentlemen, bear witness, he has confest it. By God's lid, an you had not confest it --
LOR. JU. Oh, cousin, forbear, forbear.
STEP. Nay, I have done, cousin.
PROS. Why, you have done like a gentleman, he has confest it, what would you more?
LOR. JU. Sirrah, how dost thou like him?
PROS. Oh, it's a precious good fool, make much on him: I can compare him to nothing more happily than a barber's virginals; for every one may play upon him.
MUS. Gentleman, shall I intreat a word with you?
LOR. JU. With all my heart, sir, you have not another Toledo to sell, have you?
MUS. You are pleasant, your name is Signior Lorenzo, as I take it?
LOR. JU.
STEP. So, I had as lief as an angel I could swear as well as that gentleman.
LOR. JU. Then you were a servitor at both, it seems.
BOB. O Lord, sir: by Phaeton, I was the first man that entered the breach, and had I not effected it with resolution, I had been slain if I had had a million of lives.
LOR. JU. Indeed, sir?
STEP. Nay, an you heard him discourse you would say so: how like you him?
BOB. I assure you (upon my salvation) 'tis true, and yourself shall confess.
PROS. You must bring him to the rack first.
BOB. Observe me judicially, sweet Signior: they had planted me a demi-culverin just in the mouth of the breach; now, sir, (as we were to ascend), their master gunner (a man of no mean skill and courage, you must think,) confronts me with his linstock ready to give fire; I spying his intendment, discharged my petronel in his bosom, and with this instrument, my poor rapier, ran violently upon the Moors that guarded the ordnance, and put them pell-mell to the sword.
PROS. To the sword? to the rapier, Signior.
LOR. JU. Oh, it was a good figure observed, sir: but did you all this, Signior, without hurting your blade?
BOB. Without any impeach on the earth: you shall perceive, sir, it is the most fortunate weapon that ever rid on a poor gentleman's thigh: shall I tell you, sir? you talk of Morglay, Excalibur, Durindana, or so: tut, I lend no credit to that is reported of them, I know the virtue of mine own, and therefore I dare the boldlier maintain it.
STEP. I marle whether it be a Toledo or no?
BOB. A most perfect Toledo, I assure you, Signior.
STEP. I have a countryman of his here.
MAT. Pray you let's see, sir: yes, faith, it is.
BOB. This a Toledo? pish!
STEP. Why do you pish, Signior?
BOB. A Fleming, by Phoebus! I'll buy them for a guilder a piece, an I'll have a thousand of them.
LOR. JU. How say you, cousin? I told you thus much.
PROS. Where bought you it, Signior?
STEP. Of a scurvy rogue soldier, a pox of God on him, he swore it was a Toledo.
BOB. A preovant rapier, no better.
MAT. Mass, I think it be indeed.
LOR. JU. Tut, now it's too late to look on it, put it up, put it up.
STEP. Well, I will not put it up, but by God's foot, an ever I meet him -
PROS. Oh, it is past remedy now, sir, you must have patience.
STEP. Whoreson, coney-catching rascal; oh, I could eat the very hilts for anger.
LOR. JU. A sign you have a good ostrich stomach, cousin.
STEP. A stomach? would I had him here, you should see an I had a stomach.
PROS. It's better as 'tis: come, gentlemen, shall we go?
LOR. JU. A miracle, cousin, look here, look here.
[ENTER MUSCO.
STEP. Oh, God's lid, by your leave, do you know me, sir?
MUS. Ay, sir, I know you by sight.
STEP. You sold me a rapier, did you not?
MUS. Yes, marry did I, sir.
STEP. You said it was a Toledo, ha?
MUS. True, I did so.
STEP. But it is none.
MUS. No, sir, I confess it, it is none.
STEP. Gentlemen, bear witness, he has confest it. By God's lid, an you had not confest it --
LOR. JU. Oh, cousin, forbear, forbear.
STEP. Nay, I have done, cousin.
PROS. Why, you have done like a gentleman, he has confest it, what would you more?
LOR. JU. Sirrah, how dost thou like him?
PROS. Oh, it's a precious good fool, make much on him: I can compare him to nothing more happily than a barber's virginals; for every one may play upon him.
MUS. Gentleman, shall I intreat a word with you?
LOR. JU. With all my heart, sir, you have not another Toledo to sell, have you?
MUS. You are pleasant, your name is Signior Lorenzo, as I take it?
LOR. JU.