Executioner's Song, The - Norman Mailer [196]
DR. WOODS Yes, sir.
MR. WOOTTON You go on to say: "We have likewise considered his alleged partial amnesia for the alleged event on 7/20/76 and feel that it is too circumspect and convenient to be valid." Is that still your opinion?
DR. WOODS Yes, sir.
MR. WOOTTON Thank you. That's all.
The defense had one special possibility: It was to call Gerald Nielsen to the stand. In the notes from which Nielsen had read at the Preliminary Hearing was testimony that Gary had said, "I really feel bad," and there had been tears in his eyes. "I hope they execute me for it," he had said to Nielsen. "I deserve to die." Such contrition might influence the Jury.
Still, they did not think long or hard of calling Nielsen. He knew too much. Nielsen could testify to how Gary had abused the clemency of police officers, probation officers, and judges. Then Wootton could make the point that Gilmore's repentance came after he was caught. On balance, it was too great a risk. The defense, therefore, brought Gary to the stand. His best chance today would come with his own testimony.
MR. SNYDER Mr. Gilmore, did you kill Benny Bushnell?
MR. GILMORE Yes, I guess I did.
MR. SNYDER Did you intend to kill Mr. Bushnell at the time that you went to the City Center Motel?
MR. GILMORE No.
MR. SNYDER Why did you kill Benny Bushnell?
MR. GILMORE I don't know.
MR. SNYDER Can you tell the Jury how you felt at the time these events were occurring?
MR. GILMORE I don't know. Just how I felt, I don't know for sure.
MR. SNYDER Go ahead.
MR. GILMORE Well, I felt like there was no way that what happened could have been avoided, that there was no other choice or chance for Mr. Bushnell. It was just something that, you know, couldn't be stopped.
MR. SNYDER Do you feel like you had control of yourself or your actions?
MR. GILMORE No, I don't.
MR. SNYDER Do you feel like-Well, let me ask you this: Do you know why you killed Benny Bushnell?
MR. GILMORE No.
MR. SNYDER Did you need the money?
MR. GILMORE No.
MR. SNYDER How did you feel at the time?
MR. GILMORE I felt like I was watching a movie or, you know, somebody else was perhaps doing this, and I was watching them doing it . . .
MR. SNYDER Do you feel like you were seeing someone else do it?
MR. GILMORE A little, I guess. I don't really know. I can't recall that clearly. There were spots that night that I don't recall at all. Some of it is sharp and some of it is totally blank.
MR. SNYDER Mr. Gilmore, do you recall a childhood experience such as the one that Dr. Woods described, standing in the middle of a railroad track with a train coming towards you and then you would run across a trestle to beat the train?
MR. GILMORE Yes. I didn't tell him that to be traumatic or anything. I was trying to give him a comparison to the urge and the impulse that I felt on the night of July 20th. I sometimes feel I have to do things and seems like there's no other chance or choice.
MR. SNYDER I see. And is that similar to the way you felt on the night of July 20, 1976.
MR. GILMORE Similar. Very similar. Yeah, it would be. Sometimes I would feel an urge to do something, and I would try to put it off, and the urge would become stronger until it was irresistible. And that's the way I felt on the night of July 20th.
MR. SNYDER Felt like you had no control over what you did?
MR. GILMORE Yes.
It was possible his testimony had helped. They had put him on the stand in the hope he might say he was sorry and appear remorseful, or at least would lead the Jury away from the idea that he was a heartless animal. He had hardly accomplished that task, but maybe he had served himself. Maybe. He had been calm on the stand, probably too calm, too solemn, even a little remote. Certainly too judicious. He might just as well have been one of many experts at this trial. Snyder gave him over to Wootton.